


I Can't Remember

by butterflybrigade



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Chapter 1&2 could be read as platonic, Confused!Ryan, Demon!Shane, Gen, M/M, Shane feels guilty, Slow Burn, Tags May Change, mind erasing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24091057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflybrigade/pseuds/butterflybrigade
Summary: Shane has used mind erasing one too many times in order to keep his secret.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 43
Kudos: 341





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just an idea I had. Enjoy!

Shane didn’t like to mess with Ryan’s mind. Well, that isn’t necessarily true. He lived for the tiny jumpscares that shocked his co-host into those adorable high pitched squeaks. Especially when it could simply be achieved through a firm poke to his side.

What Shane _meant_ was that he didn’t like using his magic to reshape Ryan’s memories. An uncomfortable denseness settled into his stomach whenever Ryan’s glossed over eyes refocused after a round of suggestions influenced the human’s mind. While Ryan was a scatterbrained fool, he was a persistent little thorn when it came to hunting the supernatural. 

For the most part, Shane was able to normally disprove his friend’s theories when it came to the things that go bump in the night by healthy sarcasm and outward skepticism. It was easy to just normally tell Ryan that the brush on his shoulder was in his head or simply the wind rustling an old house.

There were times, however, that Ryan saw things he was not supposed to, and it was Shane’s problem to solve. Like when he saw Shane’s eyes unintentionally fill black at a particularly supernatural haunting. Or the other time when poltergeist was actually strong enough to fling a chair in their direction before Shane stopped it mid air. That one was a bit harder to cover up than the others in comparison. The Boogaras and Shaniacs thought they’d seen Ryan in full on panic mode, but it was nothing compared to the human’s reaction in the dark of the house. That time Shane had to actually hold him down to calm his screaming and wipe away the inconvenient scene.

That only happened once, though. For the most part it only took a featherlight touch to his temple or neck which left Ryan in only partial confusion to the tucked away memories. Shane would be lying if he said he didn’t feel kind of bad for the state his human friend was in after the heavier incident. Afterward, Ryan was in an off balanced and hazy state that made them cut the shoot earlier than planned. Shane felt better when a good night’s sleep and a hearty breakfast put the supernatural hunter back on track and with full energy.

Unfortunately… Shane slipped up again and his demonic shadow was revealed to the human’s unprepared eyes in the last tunnel they were investigating. Shane winced at his own attempt to gaslight Ryan in hopes it would work before he had to touch him. Bad news was that it didn’t work, but good news was that Shane snuck into the human’s whirling mind before Ryan had the chance to freak out. A sigh of relief escaped Shane to see that it barely fazed his friend and they could successfully complete the episode with no hindrance. Huh, Ryan must be getting used to Shane’s presence in that little chaotic mind of his. At first the thought was endearing, but upon further contemplation it put a bit of a pit in the skeptic’s stomach.

Nevertheless, the crew shuffled into the grungy motel for the evening and planned on hanging out for a bit before turning in. The second Shane got the keys it looked like Ryan paled a bit and wobbled a bit in place. Without a second thought, Shane simply took one of the equipment bags off his friend’s shoulders which seemed to help. He didn’t think much of it, being that Ryan went back to his typical demeanor. 

“I think I’m going to turn in early for the night.” Ryan chimed in when the others invited him to their room. No offense was taken and it seemed like the second Ryan said it everyone realized how wiped out they were. They all laughed at the revelation and bid each other a goodnight. 

Ryan had already gone ahead and entered their shared room before Shane even made it around the corner. Shane was casually humming a radio tune the car was playing earlier and sleepily opened the room. All sense of that carelessness was lost the second he stepped in to see Ryan facing away from him, bags seemingly dropped to the floor, and the human’s form still as stone.

“Ryan?”

There was a fit of silence before Ryan slowly turned back to face him, and Shane was met with water rimmed eyes and a shocked expression on Bergara’s face.

“Hey buckeroo, what’s going-” Shane reached out but was effectively cut off when Ryan nearly jumped out of his own skin and stared back at him in fear.

_Oh shit._

“You… you’re…” the other began to shake, timidly stepping back and creating more distance. Shane couldn’t help himself from following, his concern taking over before realizing that his movements were probably making everything worse.

“H-hey pal, let’s just talk about this, okay?” he tried to be convincing; if he could just get the human to calm down long enough to reach, Shane could fix it up all over again.

It was a weak hope, because Ryan lunged for the door and would have got it if it weren’t for Shane’s lightning reflexes wrapping around the little guy. At least Ryan came to him, so Shane began to ease into that mind to calm and alter it, and it worked… for about three seconds. The demon only really needed those seconds to bring Ryan onto the mattress before the brown eyes came to their senses and tried to push Shane off.

“Let go!” the words came out slurred and breathy, but intense nonetheless.

“Ry, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.” what sounded like a pained gasp came from the human the moment Shane finger lightly pressed to his temple, those brown eyes instantly screwing shut. Shane flinched at the display but didn’t pull away. This shouldn’t... hurt. It might be uncomfortable perhaps, but Ryan shouldn’t be in pain. The magic Shane used was mostly just suggestive and that wouldn’t work if his victims were aware of his presence.

Oh boy, that didn’t sound good. Shane really didn’t like thinking of his co-host as his victim.

“Mmmn-ng…” Ryan squirmed under his touch, trying to wrench his head away from Shane’s grasp. Shane himself was beginning to panic when he couldn’t figure out how to get back into Ryan’s head, even with getting a firmer grip. The little guy was definitely giving him a run for his money. It would be okay though… it would. If Ryan was in any pain and not just panic, Shane could just erase it but he just had to… get in first.

Finally, Shane settled for one careful, but definitive push that did the trick. A soundless grunt came from Ryan like he’d had the wind knocked out of him. It’s okay though, Shane was in and he could fix-

_Geezus. The fuck?_

It was a blur between sensing as well as seeing the chaos taking up his friend’s mind. It looked like a series of strings knotted up and tangled like yarn. Weaved into the threads where images of the various situations Shane needed to rewrite and the demon couldn’t help but recoil at the sight. He might have done a bit more interference than he thought. Had Ryan truly almost caught him this many times? Shane could see that his inattention to detail allowed this mess to become disorganized and non linear in the grand scheme of things. 

Where the hell is Shane even supposed to begin?

The demon swallowed dryly as he approached the closest memory tied in a knot and tried to untangle it. In his arms, the very vulnerable Bergara whimpered, clearly feeling Shane’s essence inside his head and moving. His physical form tried to help, letting his thumb go back and forth on Ryan’s cheek bone while maintaining the connection and distracting the human. Ryan’s breath was labored, but at least consistent for the most part.

And that was the process for what felt like hours. 

Shane could maybe get about three scenarios untangled and rearranged before Ryan snapped out of the hold and had to be brought back by a changed position. His essence wiped the nonexistent sweat off his brow as he looked and saw all of the material he had yet to work through while also taking in Ryan’s new state of consciousness. The human’s bronze skin was getting pale, and fine constant tremors replaced sporadic outbursts. 

_Not good, not good._

Shane needed to let up and do it soon to give his human a break. He bit his lip in hesitation, weighing out what could happen if he did. The pessimistic side of him worried that all his work would be undone with a fully coherent Bergara trying to piece everything back together his own way. Shane groaned at the thought. This was ten times worse than editing audio and visual footage back at his desk at Buzzfeed. The stakes here were much higher too, he thought with a grimace.

He settled on not letting go of his control but agreed to not touch anything. Just for Ryan to breathe normally and get color back in him. The lack of movement seemed to help as Shane’s physical form still cradled Ryan’s head in his lap, observing the human’s chocolate eyes blink blearily like he was drunk on sleep exhaustion. Except, times ten and adding a hangover into the mix. That’s what his far too inquisitive friend looked like.

With the sparing moments, Ryan’s breath became steady and he at least started to move again. Not much, more just shifting than anything which was a welcome feeling to replace his trembling. He felt the exact moment Ryan came close to his senses, what with the way the muscles tensed under Shane’s touch and how he tried to talk.

“S-sh…” a heavy breath “St… sto-”

In a flash, Shane’s hand covered the other’s mouth before he could say another word. An instantaneous groan came from his human and it put a knife straight through his cold, damned heart. That same heart raced at speeds that could kill at the brush with an even worse situation than what they were in.

The thing about words is that they… well, they have a lot of power. Exorcisms were only successful if true intention was etched into the words. The priest that tried to do that with Shane wasn’t nearly as powerful as the desperation that Ryan had in him. If he’d allow Ryan to tell him to stop, he ran the risk of being completely thrown and _locked_ out of the human’s head. Everything would be even worse than what it was now if he let it happen.

It just hurt so damn much that fear was radiating off Ryan like a heater. In other circumstances he would have thought it to be entertaining and it was hardly the worst thing he’s ever done in his demonic life. The only reason Shane was going through with all this trouble was to keep Ryan from the supernatural dangers he so fervently sought out.

Ryan wasn’t spiritually special per se, meaning that interacting with spirits didn’t come naturally for him as it did for mediums. But when a human is constantly accustomed to being around the things that go bump in the night, Ryan is sure to develop some sort of interpretation. Shane thought of it like learning a second language rather than being bilingual straight out the gates.

Shane couldn’t help that feel some of it was his fault. The demon’s presence was usually enough to scare off lesser ghosts and demons, but alternatively it gave Ryan’s soul exposure to the dark entity that Shane tried to pretend he wasn’t.

He could deal with that existential dread later. For the time being, he had to get back to work. Before Shane could lay a hand on the next memory he hesitated and opted to move them to be more comfortable for Ryan while the demon finished what he’d begun. Shane was careful to position the human on his side and under the covers to keep warm, while the demon kept a hand on his heart as he arranged himself behind. Ryan tried to pull away once, but the arm around him held steady and eased him back against Shane’s chest.

Shane wouldn’t lie… he also didn’t want Ryan to see his demonic form slip through as he tucked away the array of memories. He didn’t need to have that image of a demon hovering over him, even if Shane intended to erase it. Shane threaded his fingers- now turned claws- gently through Ryan’s hair, rested his brow on Ryan’s neck, and closed his eyes.

The rest of the night was strenuous, but thankfully there were no more interferences on Ryan’s end. Shane had completely deep cleaned his friend’s mind as though it were a bedroom that had gone months without organizing. Shane would have been completely drained of energy from the effort if it weren’t for his essence taking in Ryan’s fear.

His human had fallen asleep in his arms, his body probably weak from mental exhaustion and his skin chilled to the touch. Shane’s last touch was weaving a story of a nightmare, causing Ryan to crawl in bed with him. It wouldn’t be the first time that happened, so it wouldn’t be a terrible stretch to cover up that night.

Shane allowed his own eyes to close and felt guilty at the strain he had to put on. But Bergara was the most resilient and tough soul he’d seen in a long time, he would jump back from this. Ryan would be okay… and everything would go back to normal.

Shane promised to the deepest part of himself that he would be more cautious in the future… anything in order to never repeat this again. 

  
  



	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's been confused lately and he's beginning to realize something is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very slight and mild reference to a wound.

Ryan stared numbly at the glow of his computer screen, his mind anywhere other than his office.The latest footage before him was blurry and the bustling of his coworkers behind him seemed muffled like being underwater and it all felt so far away. His eyes blinked slowly like his body craved sleep, even though Ryan had gotten plenty the night before.

As of late, the world had seemed a bit... hazy. It seemed that way ever since the Unsolved crew came back to Buzzfeed after the tunnel investigation. Ryan swallowed, his throat suddenly becoming dry at the thought of candle lights and shadows in the various twists and angles of the tunnels. He remembered it all going so dark, but he chalked it up to the candles blown out by a draft. At least that’s what he thought Shane said it was. Then there was the motel. He remembered checking in, but then-

A stabbing pain shot through his head and he physically winced in his wheely chair. Ryan’s eyes stung at its abrupt presence. Yet, as soon as it came, it passed even quicker. His eyes flitted nervously over the other desks, hoping that no one had seen his outburst. To his surprise and confusion, there weren’t as many people shuffling about. Ryan caught a glance at the time and realized it was around lunch break for everyone. He closed his eyes and pressed them to the heels of his hands, _god how long had he been zoning out?_

“Howdy buckaroo.”

Ryan jolted and drew his attention to the source of his nickname. A tall bean pole of a person stared down with what used to be a goofy grin now just looked concerned.

“You alright?” Shane’s hand reached like he was going to rest on his shoulder, a comforting motion that Ryan’s co host had done so many times before. The Unsolved investigator was ready for the warmth, at least something that felt more grounding than this floaty feeling he’d been stuck in for a week. At the last moment though, the hand grasped the chair’s back instead. Ryan quietly shoved the disappointment down, embarrassed that the emotion even crossed his mind.

“I’m good.” Ryan tried to shake off the fatigue and put on a typical smile. “Just tired.”

“Oh, okay. Do you want to go to lunch?”

Ryan looked back to his computer screen, realizing it had gone black and dreaded all the work he hadn’t done. “I’m okay, you go on ahead. I’ve got to catch up with editing.”

“Ryan, do you know how long you’ve been sitting at your desk?” Shane needed to lean forward if he wanted to keep his hand where it was. A chill went through Ryan at the question. He actually had no idea.

“Um… uh.” he blinked, trying harder to recall. 

“Alright, bud. Up you get.” the chair wheeled out from under the desk and Ryan would swear to his grave that he did not yelp at the movement. Shane only chuckled in response as he dangled Ryan’s jacket impatiently.

That warranted a true smile as he yanked it out of Shane’s hands. “Jackass.”

“Thank you. Now, onward! Chipotle awaits!”

Ryan rolled his eyes, but followed nonetheless. 

All of his drowsiness from before seemed forgotten as he shared laughs and jokes with Shane. Ryan found out how hungry he was the second he stepped foot in the blessed burrito sanctuary. His mood heightened exponentially with his cohost’s stupid jokes and responded in kind with puns.

There. Now this felt normal. Ryan didn’t feel the need to think too deeply about the tunnel case or why he felt so uneasy lately. He was fine, and if anything he just might have caught a head cold after being out all night in the damp underground.

The pair went back to work and Ryan found himself to be quite productive the rest of the afternoon. He needed a coffee to push through at the end, but all in all, not bad. Ryan drove home at the end of the workday and went through his normal evening routine. Going through the motions of his work out, making a protein shake, and… and…

What was it he usually did next?

Ryan ran a hand through his hair, his throat tightened with nerves as he tried to walk through and organize his thoughts. He repeated out loud what he’d done since he got home and waited for the next step but he just couldn’t _remember_. He began to panic, his mind like a broken record player that was stuck in place.

Shower.

A strained exhale escaped through Ryan’s mouth. His hands had already begun to shake and he slunk to the floor after putting the pieces together. For a moment there was silence, nothing breaking the trance until he felt something drip onto his hand. Ryan quickly stood up from the kitchen tiles and showered. He refused to acknowledge the fact that he was having a freaking _breakdown_ over a brain fart.

Ryan felt like a zombie as he went back to his room and collapsed onto his bed. He was fine. Everything was fine. He just needed some rest. Just… sleep.

Over the next week, Ryan went out of his way to jump back into work and appear to be normal. Hiding behind his winning smile proved enough to convince his co-workers he was alright. Ryan hoped that the adage “fake it till you make it” would work for his situation. 

And it did… to an extent. The thing that kept him from fully believing the lie was the looks Shane gave him when he thought Ryan wasn’t looking. He looked at Ryan like the Unsolved investigator would crumble at any moment. Sometimes he swore that he even looked guilty at times. Ryan could only scrunch his brow at that thought. What on earth would Shane have to feel guilty about?

Shane seemed unsettled by something and looked like he had something on the tip of his tongue he wanted to say when they were alone. The moment would always pass, but it wasn’t unnoticed by Ryan. Staying true to his promise to appear normal, he invited Shane over for a beer and a movie over the weekend. Ryan needed to clear the air between them and reassure Shane that he was fine. Because he was. He… he was fine.

Ryan told Shane to pick out a movie while he nuked up some popcorn. Shane recommended a porno, to which Ryan promptly punched him in the arm.

“You’re a freak.” he laughed, feeling warm and content.

“I like to think so.” he rebuttled, earning a stupid laugh in return. 

The microwave went off in the kitchen, leading Ryan to go get it. He was still laughing at some comment Shane made about his movie collection. Ryan shouted out to find something on Netflix if he didn’t like anything. He could have sworn Shane whispered something about how a porno would have been fine. Ryan thought about how he was going to flick a popcorn right at his big sasquatch forehead when he got back to the living room.

With the snack dumped in a bowl, Ryan picked it up and froze in place. Everything seemed to go blank. His kitchen seemed familiar while at the same time seemed completely unrecognizable. The thought passed as Ryan looked down to the bowl in his hands. His previous carefree smile was gone as he forgot everything he had previously been doing. Ryan thought back to the shower incident and how his train of thought came to a crashing halt.

Why was Ryan in the kitchen again?

“-an? You alright in there?” a voice called from his living room. Ryan recognized it… but not instantly. Panic rose to his throat in a vice grip. How could he not know Shane’s voice right away? How could he _forget_ Shane was over? 

With that, Ryan’s shaking hands let the glass bowl slip from his fingers and shatter on the ground.

“Ryan, are you okay?!” Shane’s gangly limbs came into view as he came through the kitchen entrance and took in the sight of the broken glass and the ever so still Ryan. He could only stare back, words not coming to him as Ryan only stared blankly back at his friend. What was he going to say? What _could_ he say without sounding like he was going crazy?

“What happened?” Shane came close, clearly looking at him up and down for any sign of injury. Ryan’s brow furrowed, thinking that normally Shane would have put his hands on him to make sure Ryan would stay still while he investigated.

Ryan thought back to when he tripped in the haunted house in San Diego and bumped his head. Shane held him still with no hesitation while he examined the wound. Or did that happen in Kentucky? More fear packed on Ryan.

“Shane…” his voice sounded strained and dense. “I think there’s something wrong with me.” he could feel tears sting his eyes with threats of escape. Ryan grew cold and shivered in place.

“No, no no, you’re okay buddy.” Shane tried to deliver a soothing smile, but it looked more like a zookeeper trying to keep an animal calm. “It’s just popcorn.” and with that, the water works began. Ryan couldn’t hold them back and only once he covered his face did he feel warmth _finally_ surround him.

Shane’s arms wrapped around his shoulders while Ryan’s own were trapped between their chests. Embarrassing sobs continued, but Ryan just had no more energy to hold them back. Thank god Shane didn’t let go because if he did, Ryan would be sure to crumble like the glass on the floor.

“It’s okay, I’m here. I’ve got you.” one arm kept the shaking man close while the other rubbed his back in a soothing pattern. Ryan got his arms out to wrap around Shane’s waist like a lifeline as he cried.

“I-I… I can’t remember things.” his words were muffled in his friend’s shirt, tears dampening the fabric. “I’m confused all the time, a-and…” his words were incoherent and broken between the tears. “It started after the tunnel case-”

“You’re just stressed, bud.” Shane’s voice was as warm as his motions. “The last episode was hard on you, that’s all.”

Ryan shook his head in his friend’s chest.

“B-but I keep having dreams, Shane. And my head hurts...” his rambles became even unknown to his own ears.

“It’s all going to be okay. Just breathe, man.” Shane emphasized by taking an exaggerated breath that invited Ryan to follow along. It seemed to help a bit. The warm hand on Ryan’s back trailed up to smooth the hair on the back of his head. Long fingers weaved in his short hair. Soft fingertips massaged into Ryan’s ever pulsing head. It felt so good until a flash of a terrible feeling soaked into his cells. 

He felt terror surround him like ropes, keeping him weighed down and vulnerable. Ryan’s head felt like a balloon that was a few puffs away from exploding, the pressure nearly unbearable. Ryan reacted by blindly trying to escape the feeling, his hands pushing away what felt like a memory.

“Ryan!”

Ryan’s gaze snapped back to the present to see Shane even more tall than before, his arms outstretched like he’d meant to catch something. Secondly, Ryan’s attention was brought to the sharp pain that throbbed from his hand. His gaze blankly trailed lower to see crimson stain his palm.

“Don’t move, I’ll go get the first aid.” Shane disappeared in an instant while Ryan slowly came back to his senses.

“Oh, shit.” Ryan whispered as he took in the sight of himself sprawled on the floor.

“Yeah, ‘oh shit’ is right.” Shane came back with the first aid and set it on the table before coming back to him and hoisting Ryan off the tiles and into a chair.

“Jeez man, since when do you go to the gym?”

“Shut up.”

The air didn’t quite return to the previous playfulness at the beginning of the evening, but they were at least reverting back to their banter which was better than nothing. Ryan was quiet as Shane focused on bandaging his hand, the feeling of embarrassment making his cheeks burn.

“I’m-”

“Before you say anything, you better not be apologizing.” The statement made Ryan swallow his words. In wake of Shane’s attention, his hand already felt better from the bandages wrapped securely.

“Thank you. I… I really don’t know what’s been going on with me.” Ryan spoke absently as he looked over his hand when a sudden wave of drowsiness came over.

“Don’t worry about it.” Shane stayed still in the opposite chair, his gaze melancholic to say the least as he looked to Ryan’s hand and then to the rest of him.

“Why are you being weird, man?” Ryan tried hard not to feel like he was a butterfly on display, who knew what those observant brown eyes were seeing at the moment. Probably a pathetic mess, to be honest.

“I just hate to see you in pain.” Shane’s voice was soft… a faint crackle could be heard at the end like he was trying not to cry. Ryan flinched at the realization and reached out with his good hand. To his dismay, the closest he could get was the sasquatch’s knee, the rest of Shane keeping a distance from Ryan.

“Why are you so far away?” Ryan asked, referring at first to their physical distance, but thought that he’d like to know they’re emotional distance just as much.

“You pushed me away, bud.” Shane spoke quietly, not accusingly but rather more ashamed. It sent Ryan’s heart into overdrive, the sight of his friend looking like a kicked puppy. Ryan wanted to say his co-host had been withdrawn for a while, but was too overcome with the night’s events that he didn’t want to pursue that conversation at the moment.

“I didn’t mean to…” in fact, Ryan didn’t even realize what he’d done until his ass was on the tile. “I feel like everything is just… off.” Silence covered the two of them. Ryan didn’t know his eyes had closed until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Let’s get you to bed.” Shane helped lead him to his own bed and made sure he was all settled before he went to turn the light off. This felt familiar, being near someone he trusted. Just like the morning he woke up in the grungy motel room they shared. He remembered something terrifying and paralyzing, but it was seemingly forgotten by consoling arms that held around Ryan. He hummed in contemplation as his dreams taunted him to come closer. Ryan remembered all too well the comfort of being wrapped up in the comforting presence of Shane. Just as the supernatural investigator was about to let unconsciousness take over an impending thought took up his last waking moments.

Ryan didn’t remember crawling in with Shane that night after the tunnels.

  
  



	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane comes up with a plan on how to get Ryan feeling back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're going to want this song on standby for later in this chapter ;)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8I14znERQU

Shane messed up.

His clawed hands rested behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling like it had the answers on how to solve his problem. Alone and in the comfort of his own bed, he allowed himself to shed away the human glamour that daily hid the demonic identity. Leathery wings were sprawled out on the target bought sheets and horns curled back to press against the plush pillows. Sharp fangs bit his lip with the thoughts of Ryan swirling in his head.

His friend looked like he was being held together by strings despite the meticulous work Shane had done back at the motel. The demon ran the scenario through his head over and over, just to find the moment that he had done wrong when puting the human’s memories in order. Instead, all he could do was cringe when he remembered the frantic look in his friend’s eyes and the utter dread that emanated from his very soul when Shane used his demonic strength to hold him still through the fiasco.

Normally Shane liked seeing the fidgety human scared, it was entertaining as all get out, but the demon felt gross when that fear was directed at himself. The next morning, Ryan had been the most lethargic Shane had ever seen his friend. Thankfully, he didn’t question the fact that they shared the bed but instead silently put on the clothes Shane had nervously set out for him.

Ryan fell asleep the second they buckled themselves in the van as the driver took the Unsolved crew to the airport. Shane pulled the human close and let the other rest his head on his shoulder. If the others noticed, they didn’t say anything. In all honesty, the demon was pleasantly surprised that Ryan was so compliant with his touch. Past Shane thought that it was a sign he had done his job correctly, but he couldn’t help but feel like something underlying was still wrong.

His gut seemed to be correct as he observed Ryan’s behavior in the next few weeks. That intensely bright soul lacked the previous vigor and energy that belonged to Ryan. He caught glances at his human to see that he would have fits of staring off or simply not engaging with everyone like he used to. 

The only thing that seemed to help was when Shane was in proximity. He was selfishly relieved to find that Ryan acted like himself when they were together. The human was his friend and somehow found out how to bring out the best in Shane, even when the demon thought it wasn’t possible. He had always been fascinated with humans from all ends of the spectrum, but Ryan specifically stood out to him the most. Maybe it was because he glowed just a bit more, or perhaps Shane was just interested by how unnecessarily fearful he was of the supernatural but continued to seek it out. 

Maybe above all else, Shane felt something a bit more than a demon should for a human. The demon tensed despite his comfortable position on the bed. Shane was treading on  _ very  _ dangerous ground at even the smallest suggestion. He thought about how Ryan’s smile dug deep into him, but not in a bad way. It was more like a gentle whisky that went down smooth and left his chest feeling warm and content. In contrast, there were moments when Ryan bumped into him while laughing which sent a shock of electricity through Shane’s very blood. All experiences led to his hands that craved to touch, or his lips that wanted to-

_ Nope. None of that. _

Shane took in a grounding breath.

_ One problem at a time, Madej. _

Shane only realized how bad things had gotten for the human when he went over for the movie night. Popcorn and blood on the floor with shards of glass surrounding Ryan like a sacrifice would forever stain Shane’s memory. His human looked so… broken. All Shane wanted to do was scoop him up and hold him until everything fit back together. 

Ryan was allegedly forgetting things and Shane wasn’t blind to the effects it was having on his friend. The demon knew that he could never reveal what he was and because of that, he couldn’t afford to allow Ryan to have his locked memories back.

So Shane surmised a plan to get Ryan to take his mind off of the busy work week and hopefully his troubles, too. They were exiting the office when Shane stopped them by taking Ryan’s arm.

“You doing anything tonight?” Shane probed, assuming he already knew the answer.

“Nothing much, probably just working out.” Ryan was noncommittal, looking more tired than anything. 

“Boring.”

“Dude!” Shane saw a punch coming his way.

“We should go get drinks tonight.” he laughed as he dodged the ‘attack’ by grabbing the other’s wrist. Ryan’s smile didn’t leave, but it did wilt.

“I don’t know… I haven’t really been feeling great lately.”

“All the more reason to go! Blowing off some steam will probably help.” Shane pressed, hoping that it didn’t seem too desperate. Ryan looked on the edge, so he tried one more time.

“We can go to your favorite bar…” his voice taunted, hoping that Ryan would take the hook and let Shane help him out. At first, Shane thought his co-host would definitely turn him down, but instead a renewed smile came back on that perfect face.

“Okay. I could probably have a drink or two.” he sounded like a mom agreeing to get ice cream for her tantrum induced two year old.

“Perfect!” Shane clapped his hands together in achievement.

“I’m still going home and working out, though.” Ryan tried to sound firm, but it was hard to take the guy seriously when that infectious smile was present.

“Fine, fine.” Shane flicked his hand as though it were a minute detail. “Make sure to eat after. Meet you there around 8:00?”

“Sure.” his eyes rolled with the answer, a sassy response from a dramatic person. Shane loved it.

“That’s the spirit.” Shane was the one to sneak a punch in the shorter guy’s muscled arm. “See you then!” The demon had to dash to his car to escape a ticked off Bergara that wanted to reciprocate the action.

Eight o’clock rolled around soon enough, and Shane waited at the bar with a classy fruity drink. Humans became very clever with their concoctions of liquor over the years, and the demon had no loyalty to the monotonous ales and wines that decided to be bitter just for the heck of it. Instead he would happily sip at his Sex On The Beach, thank you very much. 

Ryan entered just as the lights were dimming and the music started out soft in the background. Shane felt the world pause, only for a moment, as he looked over the human’s appearance. His friend’s dark hair was styled to the side, framing his face nicely. A short sleeved, dark navy button up suited his form quite well. It very subtly showed off the definition of the man’s muscles and a blush rose to Shane’s cheeks at the presence of his own thoughts.

Shane waved his friend over, and ordered a beer for the human as Ryan weaved through the building crowd. 

“You clean up nice.” an understatement. He thought he might have seen Ryan blush, but the demon chose to blame it on the shadows of the bar. A stupid blame, since the demon could see in even the darkest of nights.

“Geez.” he laughed as he sat on the stool. “Buy me a drink first, will ya?” he joked.

As if on cue, the bartender handed Shane a beer to which he promptly slid in Ryan’s direction.

“Done.” Shane knew he had a shit eating grin on his face by the way Ryan gave an exasperated groan. Regardless, they cheersed and eased into the night with light conversation.

That led to another drink, their voices raised as the volume of the music increased. The laughs turned to taunts which led to the two of them settling differences with shots, the second one going down easier than Shane expected. By that point, nothing mattered except the neverending smile that graced Ryan’s features.

The room was warm with the people that filtered in, the bar crowded to the point that the Unsolved hosts decided to forfeit their spots for more space. Ryan tripped a bit, but Shane was happy to have the excuse to reach out and right the other on his feet. The human didn’t seem to mind and if anything… Ryan leaned into it. 

It was probably nothing. Shane was just tipsy, that’s all. The two still attempted to talk over the noise, not realizing their bodies began to sway with the pulsing of the music. Laser and strobe lights were the next to come as it synced with the bass of the speakers.

Shane was having a great time after their last drink, but Bergara seemed to be on another level. Shane smiled. Ryan deserved to have a night like this, free of all worries and supernatural shit. Shane inwardly raised an eyebrow at the contradicting statements.

“This music is awesome.” Ryan jumped at the newest tune playing. It was endearingly amusing to see him shake in his spot in excitement, his head looking for a place to set his drink. Shane felt like he was tuning a wind up toy when he took the glass from his friend. 

With his hands free, Ryan Bergara danced without a care at the edge of the dancefloor. His attention was torn between keeping his eyes on Shane and letting the music take over. The demon was happy with whatever the human chose.

Ryan’s movements weren’t sloppy per se, but rather just loose and a bit uncoordinated. A few more songs played, their drinks gone as Shane leaned against a wooden support to get a better view of his human circling closer to the dance floor and utterly enjoying himself.

Suddenly a halt came to the music and the sound of brass instruments played briefly to introduce the next song. Shane was confused that a new bar was playing something that seemed old fashioned, but Ryan must have known exactly what was about to play because he froze immediately and looked at Shane with a delightful gleam in his eye.

(You’re going to want to play the song link right about now ;) )

With unexpected precision, Ryan moved his body with full control as remixed lyrics reverberated off the walls. It was a stark contrast to only moments ago when his dancing was edging near embarrassing, but now… Shane could only describe it as enthralling.

Chocolate brown eyes closed, his brow relaxing, and that goofy smile was replaced by partially open lips as the song soaked into the shorter man. Ryan seemed like another person as he rolled his shoulders with the beat while his legs followed through with what seemed like a practised pattern. Though nothing was more distracting than the way he swayed his  _ hips _ . 

Shane heated like he was watching something he shouldn’t, but here he was, in a crowded bar where everyone was capable of being seen. He felt his throat dry at the sight of the sensuous movements that he would never have imagined Ryan’s coordination capable of. 

The lyrics turned to rap which Ryan followed effortlessly by slowly turning his body to move with latin rhythms. People on the dancefloor’s attention also seemed to be caught, a low sense of possessiveness echoed in Shane’s subconscious, but it lessened when the crowd smiled and gave a bit more space.

Ryan took it whether they planned to give it to him or not, and all Shane could do was stare as the colorful lights splashed the floor and casted magnificent shadows on the outline of Ryan’s form. The motions were seductive, his arms floated as though they could touch the musical notes before coming back to his own chest and easing his hands lower… and lower… then stopping to repeat the move all over. 

Shane was the demon here, clearly, but he was put to shame as he faced the embodiment of temptation before him. The whole display left him in a trance, unable to do anything but take in the visage that was Ryan Bergara. 

The verse swelled in the air, alerting the eager audience that the chorus would soon come. Shane found himself waiting in just as much anticipation with the promise to see Ryan do it all over again. His heart sunk to see that Ryan had let his arms fall gracefully to his sides, but then grew tense as he leisurely strolled in Shane’s direction to the pace of the song. He, a  _ demon _ , could do nothing but helplessly follow the hand that had taken his to the dancefloor. 

Ryan raised their joined opposite hands, and with the bite of the chorus… 

_ Oh _

He didn’t give Shane the second to process the warm hand on the small of his back before the human stepped forward in the leading position of the dance. 

Shane’s free hand went to Ryan’s impressive shoulder and wanted to melt at the touch on his back that guided their footsteps. Shane’s own feet followed Ryan’s pattern and revelled in the heat of it all. With every twirl that Ryan led, Shane lost a bit of the awe and instead became more interested in the  _ participation _ aspect. The shorter man’s eyes were lidded as they met Shane’s own and they looked captivatingly carnivorous. 

Shane could be hungry, too.

Like an unspoken challenge, the two moved in cycle with the other. Neither one flinching as Ryan’s leg fit between Shane’s own to bring the two as close as possible while guiding their direction. The sight was provocative when Ryan pulled away to spin, allowing Shane’s dilated eyes to look over him fully before bringing him back, seemingly even closer than before. The push and pull grew with the drums, giving and taking beginning to blur together as the next verse came and went.

The last chorus was barely about dancing anymore, but rather the competition of it. A breath escaped Shane’s mouth at the intentional grind of Ryan’s hips against his own, but Shane pushed down the distraction with a maneuver of his own. He held firm onto their joined hands while his other covered the expanse of Ryan’s hip and pushed with the downbeat, the motion leading Ryan to twirl before him like a medallion in the moonlight. Shane released the hand and faced away, the momentum of Ryan’s spin leading his empty hand to trail down Shane’s wrist to his shoulder and down further to his other hand. With a slight motion, Shane spun the human into his chest and dipped him the moment the song ceased its continuation.

Though the song stopped and the two were breathless, the tension remained. Shane just didn’t know what to do with it. He looked to see that the crowd was staring and the moment began to sober until a hand around Shane’s wrist pulled him off the floor and into a darkened hallway.

The buzz of the song still hummed on Shane as he looked down at his captor, a cheeky grin spreading with a slight giggle. The complete 180 in Ryan’s demeanor caught the demon so off guard that he didn’t see what was coming next. Grabby hands pulled him down and disorganized lips pressed against his own, the act so sudden that he couldn’t believe what actually happened. Ryan pulled away, his smile faint and coming back for more. Shane gathered his wits by then and kept Ryan from coming any closer by grabbing his hips.

“You’re drunk.” Shane was shocked by the gravelly sound of his own voice.

“Yep.” Ryan popped the last letter like an antagonizing child egging on a response. The human still managed to lean closer, and while not able to reach Shane’s lips, he settled on his neck instead. Shivers wracked through the demon, his body wanting to lower his shoulders and expose more for those lips. Shane snapped out of it and pressed Ryan’s hips farther away and against the wall as a cry for more distance.

“Ryan,  _ no _ .” Shane kept his hands steady but not his words. Ryan giggled quietly, his eyes trailed to his hips, a dark smirk appeared at his sight of Shane’s hands and it made the demon want to squirm.

“Ryan,  _ yes _ .” The lapels of Shane’s shirt were grabbed and he was yanked forward into the trap of Ryan’s kiss.

This time the embrace reflected the Ryan that was on the dance floor moments ago. He was abrasive… demanding… controlled. Blunt teeth sunk into Shane’s lower lip, the action getting the demon to gasp and allow Ryan to deepen the kiss. Shane’s moral footing swayed, but was forgotten the minute Ryan’s tongue did a move that was absolutely sinful. Whether it was a groan or a growl, Shane wasn’t sure, but he leaned in further to see what else Ryan had in store. Warm hands got caught in Shane’s hair and held him still when the other nipped his tongue. 

Ohhh, Ryan needed to cut that out. If he wasn’t careful, Shane would show him what a real bite looked like.

“Hey, is anyone back here?” a stranger's voice called and a flashlight followed after. 

Shane’s hand pushed against Ryan’s chest at the intrusion and a slight ‘oof’ came from the shorter man as he connected even more against the wall.

“Uh… no?” Shane panicked. Idiotic giggles made the demon want to roll his eyes at the man he had pinned and at his own perosnal stupidity.

“Well straighten up. Take that shit home.” The man who was undoubtedly the bouncer walked away to give the two a moment to gather themselves. Ryan took the absence as permission to continue while Shane felt like cold water shocked him into complete sobriety.

“Nope.” his hand curled in the fabric of that damn cute button up and pulled Ryan off the wall. “We’re going home, buckaroo.”

All signs of Ryan’s saucy alter-ego vanished in the car ride in a fit of laughter that Shane couldn’t help but join in with. He had to carry most of Ryan’s weight up the stairs to get into the apartment, but a drunken story narrated by his co-host pleasantly took up the time. Shane got Ryan a water bottle to drink while he got the human’s boots off. When Shane told him to get into his pajamas, Ryan whined that he was too tired and would just sleep in his clothes.

“Buttons are too much work.”

“You are ridiculous.” Shane shook his head while taking the shirt to the hamper, leaving him in his boxers and white undershirt. 

“Alright, do you need anything else?” Shane watched Ryan shift with effort under the covers to give him the biggest puppy eyes.

“You should stay over.” his voice was muffled by blankets, but Shane heard him nonetheless.

“Hell no.” the demon deadpanned.

“Please? We can make pancakes in the morning.” Shane continued to stare down the completely plastered man. “I promise to keep my hands to myself.” he added with all the sincerity and innocence that a twenty nine year old man should not have.

With a groan of defeat, Shane stripped down to his own boxers and shirt and joined on the other side of the bed. Ryan was on his stomach and snoring the moment Shane laid beside him. The demon’s eyes fluttered closed, his arm carelessly draping near his head. 

A warm pressure filled his empty hand, and Shane didn’t need to open his eyes to know that Ryan had reached out in his sleep.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Just something a little nice before shit hits the fan.


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love those hangovers, amiright?

The room was relatively dark, save for the glow of the morning with the soft sounds of rain tapping against the window. It would have been a lovely sight… if it weren't for the disastrous hangover that threatened to eat Ryan whole.

Ryan lamented the fact that he was a stomach sleeper with the unpleasant pressure he was putting on his nauseous abdomen. His whole body ached from the night before, images of flashing lights branded his mind and the sticky floor of dancing and spilled drinks. A lazy smile traced his features at the memories being pieced together. Ryan recalled pulling Shane to the dancefloor, latin rhythms taking over with the sway of music. And then… oh no. 

Ryan’s eyes shot open to reveal a sleeping lanky figure beside him breathing evenly. He could only keep his eyes open for moments at a time, the sensitivity intensifying without even direct sunlight. Even then he was still able to see their hands had stayed intertwined through the night. Ryan would have allowed himself to enjoy the butterflies in his stomach if it weren’t for the threat of them escaping in a post drunken stupor. 

He untangled himself from the sheets and stumbled to the bathroom, hoping a refreshing shower would do the trick. His opposing thoughts were either giddy at his forwardness from the night before, or mortified at his own actions. What the hell were they going to do about this? What was Ryan  _ thinking _ ? He chided himself as he held onto the sink to keep upright, his unfocused eyes floating to the mirror to take in the sight of his bed head and weary features. He smiled again.

Ryan was thinking that it was the best night he’d had in a very long time. With glee he realized he remembered everything, no skips in his memory or confusion throughout the night with Shane. He was happy, and his mouth tasted like stale beer. The grin was replaced with a distasteful grimace as he went for his toothbrush. 

The shower started to warm up while he undressed and climbed in, being overly careful not to let his clumsy legs give out on him now. Maybe Ryan got a bit… handsy last night but to his own surprise he had not felt as guilty as he would have thought. Not with the way Shane responded at least.

Water washed over him and the pressure mimicked what the night felt like to have Shane’s hands on him, the man who always had a way to make Ryan feel better. The skeptic could piss him off effortlessly, and could make him laugh even easier no matter the day or time. His friend was always there for him and Ryan wasn’t necessarily surprised at the way the night turned out. Even with every cell in Ryan’s body wanting to turn against him for the amount he drank last night, it didn’t come close to hindering his content satisfaction in the morning.

That notion was forgotten the instant it felt like an ice pick plunged between Ryan’s eyes.

Pain so abruptly debilitating pulsed in his head and shot through him like he was a human electric wire, forcing Ryan to fall on his knees. A strangled whimper escaped just before all the air seemed to be sucked out of the bathroom and images raced through Ryan’s mind at rates that shouldn’t have been possible.

The bathroom disappeared as a collage of colliding memories came across his vision. The night before spinning on the dancefloor was replaced with dark cobble stone and all heat from the crowd had been exchanged for damp, stale air. The dance lights flashed too fast and music warped to inverted sounds as this new paradigm forced itself into existence. 

Ryan heaved a deep breath, gathering as much oxygen as he could to call out for help. 

More striking visions intruded before any sound could be made as everything only got worse. Shane’s face came into view and for a moment Ryan was hopeful for the potential promise of safety but instead it warped into something monstrous. Black eyes peered at him while the night of the dance was imitated, all of Ryan’s bravado lost as this new image stared him down. Shane had horns that began at his forehead and trailed back into fine points that were sharp enough to prick fingers. Teeth like daggers were hidden between his friend’s lips and the creature fixated on him in a way that could only look like hunger.

Ryan choked at the sight and tried to pull away, bringing his attention to their intertwined hands that now had claws digging into him with red trickling down his wrist. It was the hand that Shane had bandaged so gently for him, but no such tenderness could be found in this moment. This thing before him burned so hot even where Ryan’s other hand rested on the small of its back from when they were dancing. Ryan tried to escape, flinching against the talons on his opposite shoulder that threatened to tear in. It brought the term dancing with the devil to another level.

The scene changed again. They were in the hallway of the bar, so agonizingly alone and secluded and Ryan shook in fear of this memory being stained. His now bloody hand was fisted in the white shirt Shane wore that night, the thing coming too close for comfort. Ryan felt himself be shoved back, harder than he was last night, but the surface he fell to was a lumpy mattress instead of the painted black wall.

_ “Ry, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.” _ multiple voices spoke at once with Shane's voice in varying levels of depth, just before claws tore into his temples.

“Ryan?” a knock from the door broke the spell Ryan was trapped in.

Finally he could breathe again, his whole body shaking under the spray of water, his mind feeling like it was disgustingly melting out his nose and ears. Ryan’s hands were braced on the ground to simultaneously keep him upright and keep the world from moving.

“Is everything alright?” Shane’s voice came through, clearer this time. It sent an unwelcome shiver down Ryan’s spine.

“I-I’m good.” Ryan called over the spray, his voice hoarse and dry. He couldn’t see Shane right now, not when that vision was so strong. Ryan wasn’t ready to see what truths remained behind his bathroom door.

“Are you sure?” Classic scepticism laced Shane’s inquiry, the volume biting at Ryan’s sensitive ears while he fought to keep back tears. Ryan couldn’t understand how he wanted his friend impossibly close just as much as he wanted him far away.

“Yeah. I’m really hungover.” hold it together. “I think I’m going to be in here for a while.”

“Okay...” there was a pause at the door. “Um, did you want me to make some pancakes?” 

Ryan winced at the offer, guilt poking him in addition to the variety of other emotions swirling in his head.

“I’m probably going to be in here all day. You can…” a staccato breath racked his chest. “You should go.” 

“Oh.” the surprise in Shane’s voice twisted an uncomfortable knife in Ryan’s side, hot tears slipping and joining the water down the drain. “Uh, no worries. Feel better, man.” The voice was light in an attempt to hide the disappointment that clearly remained.

Ryan retched the nonexistent contents of his stomach the moment he heard the faint sound of the front door close. He coughed and sputtered when nothing came. Ugly tears poured out as he finally tried to put his crumbling world together.

He shivered against the bathroom air once the shower turned off and wrapped his towel like a blanket. Ryan thought back on his own strange quirks from the past few weeks, it had to be attributed to more than just stress. 

The dreams that pestered Ryan only seemed to grow worse. It used to only be sensations or feelings, but recently the nightmares became more vivid and mimicked his memories. However, nothing compared to the vision he experienced in the shower.

An uncomfortable wave of emotions gathered with any thoughts that surrounded Shane. The terrifying eyes, dark horns and leathery wings that hovered… it was just too much to take in.

Ryan considered him to be his closest friend and someone he found comfort in whenever he was inconsolable. The lanky giant always had a clever quip on hand or a silent gesture or embrace to ease the tension away. On the contrary, whenever he felt a pressure from above in his dreams, oppressive and controlling, it was now in the forms of large hands rather than some intangible smoke. Or the heavy air around his head felt like fingertips on his temples or neck. 

Ryan didn’t want to admit it, but exhaustion was keeping him from thinking too rationally lately. He did have some mixed feelings around his friend. Wanting to be near him- as friends do- but then an eerie itching under his skin made him want to create space. The varying contrast in itself was enough to make Ryan’s head spin.

But the visions were getting out of hand and were nearly driving him to insanity. Ryan wasn’t sure how he knew, but he was certain that there was a correlation between the nightmares and disorientation with the way he felt towards Shane. He didn’t want to believe it, but...

Something was just…  _ off.  _

Ryan choked down a swallow and gathered himself out of the bathtub. He was shaky and hungover the rest of the day, his body paying the consequences on the previous night’s antics. Despite the headache, he was drawn to the glow of his computer screen. His hands moved on autopilot, fingers clicking on past Unsolved footage. Ryan wasn’t exactly sure on what he was looking for… but his intuition encouraged him to look. 

Ryan was scared as to what he would find.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rest in piece the pancakes


	5. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are demons supposed to feel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient! Happy to be back!

The drive back to Shane’s empty apartment was a miserable one. 

His gut twisted along every turn as he drove on autopilot, his thoughts revolving around the sound of his friend sounding like a nervous wreck in the shower. It was the human’s fear oozing from the bathroom that woke the sleeping demon and drew him to knock. Ryan was never a good liar, he always lifted his tone a touch too high and he stuttered like his teeth were chattering in the cold. That’s what made it all worse when he asked Shane to leave.

Was Ryan freaking out over their kiss?

Shane groaned at the wheel after he parked, his head resting on his hands in anguish. Everything had been going so _well._ Ryan had loosened up, his energy and vibe returned to normal in addition to that irresistible smile. The music from the bar seemed to help lift the human’s spirits, not to mention fueling his entertaining displays. Shane allowed his mind to wander to the dancefloor and further…

_Well, hell._

Through Shane’s own lowered inhibitions, he allowed himself to indulge a bit too much. He couldn’t stop the way Ryan whisked him away to dance, Shane didn’t _want_ to. The demon greedily ate up the attention, letting the sensations of the night take control over the two of them. He was a demon after all, he was allowed to do that. All the… temptation and uh, seduction of good souls… or whatever the hell demons like him were good at. Shane’s warring mind countered the argument by pointing out that demons shouldn’t actually _care_ for the souls they’re antagonizing. They’re most certainly not supposed to crawl in bed and hold hands with them either.

_Dammit Bergara, you and your stupid hips._

Shane’s duty was to keep Ryan from truly supplying evidence of the supernatural. Shane convinced himself that he didn’t have a choice but to get close to the human. How else could Shane get Ryan to doubt himself or get distracted at the right moments so Shane could get the camera to go out of focus. To be honest, Shane didn’t quite intend to stay as long as he did. Past Shane thought it would be a quick fix with this human; either scare him senseless or completely wreck any sort of footage that could be uploaded to the internet.

But Ryan was relentless. That endless determination burned strong despite the unadulterated terror he usually faced wherever the haunted location he took Shane. He was detail oriented, organized, and thriving with passion for anything he sent his mind to. 

Last night it just happened to be Shane. The demon winced at the irony. If Ryan wanted to find a big bad scary monster, he only needed to look a little closer at his co-host.

Shane sighed as he entered his apartment, willing away the tension in his shoulders and coming to terms with how Ryan felt about him now. He’d accept any outcome and just hoped that the night previous wouldn’t affect their relationship terribly. Maybe… something more could happen between them. Judging by Ryan’s reaction this morning, a glum cloud rained on his thoughts at the likelihood of that scenario.

They didn’t text all weekend and Shane went out of his way to not take it personally. If the guy needed space, he wouldn’t push the human. However, concern buzzed in the back of his head when Ryan showed up to work late and a bit more flustered than usual. The demon pretended to be encased with his work while Ryan shuffled into his own seat and booted up his computer. Shane gulped at the tension in the air, not even needing his demonic observation to feel the restless energy wafting off of Ryan. 

Shane chose not to say anything. Apparently neither did Ryan.

A tap at his shoulder hours later snapped Shane’s attention to the man beside him. The most fake, nonchalant smile was plastered onto Ryan’s features. Shane supposed masking was going to be the approach to their new circumstances. He tried to shove the disappointment away.

“Hey, uh… I was going through some footage and wanted to get your opinion?” the human’s voice was tight but forcibly controlled. It almost felt like… fear? Shane straightened in his seat and hid his unease when the demon saw Ryan flinch.

“Sure little guy. We going to the sound booth?” Shane slipped off his headphones and moved to get up with the assumption. Ryan paled and flitted his gaze over the busy work stations of their coworkers. 

“Here is fine.”

Oh, right… Ryan probably didn't want them to be together alone.

“Cool, yeah. This works.” Shane settled back in his chair and wheeled closer to get a look at Ryan’s screen. The human was stiff as marble and fear emanated from him in nervous waves. The demon furrowed his brow. The taste wasn’t an unfamiliar emotion coming from Ryan, however, it was misplaced. This type of fear was reserved mostly for the allegedly haunted houses Ryan would drag his ass to. Not the office.

“I just wanted to go over some clips I found over the… weekend.”

“Sure.” Shane ignored Ryan’s hesitation and plugged his own headphones into Ryan’s computer. 

_For hell’s sake, Ryan we are both functioning adults. If you don’t want to talk about the kiss, fine. But it’s not like you need to be scared of me._

Shane zoned out through his personal tantrum while Ryan selected a clip from a folder. The demon absently recognized it as an oldie, one of which they had already published.

“I swear to god Ryan, if you make me listen to the creaking board on the second floor one more time-”

Ryan’s laugh was unexpected, but incredibly welcomed. He began a tangent, one that Shane had no idea that he missed so much. 

“No, this is in the mirror hallway. It’s kind of-” Ryan cut himself off. “Well, I’ll just show you.” the play button was pressed and pure ice trailed down Shane’s spine as his small grin disappeared completely. 

The narrow hall was lined with glass and both of their reflections were altered by the various shapes of mirrors. Shadows moved like they were alive as the candle lights guided the way. 

“What am I looking at here?” Shane knew _exactly_ what he was looking at. This was where Ryan first caught a glimpse at Shane’s true form. Found out that night that one of the mirrors was blessed by a witch to reveal hidden truths. 

He tried to stay calm, relaxing in the fact that he trashed all footage of Ryan freaking out on camera over the reflection. Shane made sure to delete any of the evidence.

“Just wait…” Ryan’s quick fingers paused the scene, drawing undeniable attention to the blacks of Shane’s eyes in a reflection.

_Well shit._

“I still don’t know what you want me to see.” Shane forced his posture to remain relaxed and nonchalant. He knew Ryan was studying him, looking for any sort of reaction.

“Shane, you can’t tell me you don’t see that.” Ryan pointed to the screen. Shane on the screen was caught mid laugh, probably at something stupid Ryan had said about the ghosts. It hurt how obvious Shane’s human eyes looked down adoringly at the human (why couldn’t Ryan focus on that part?). But Ryan was pointing at his mirrored reflection.

“Huh, you’re right that is weird.” Shane feigned ignorance. “We should make a blooper reel so I can make a Black Eyed Peas joke.”

“Why are your eyes black Shane?” Ryan’s tone was heavy, the weight threatening to drown Shane in his own shame.

“Ry, there were countless shadows in that hallway. Lit by candles no less. Of course the camera lens is probably going to go wack.” Shane leaned to point at the human part of him on the screen. “See? My eyes are perfectly normal right here. Mirror could have been dirty, who knows?”

Ryan’s lovely brown eyes scanned the screen a slight frown. He said nothing as he exited out of the footage.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“I’m honestly surprised your ugly mug didn’t crack a few of the mirrors.” he quipped, waiting for Ryan to take the bait so they could move on with the rest of the day. 

“Hang on” Shane paused from moving back to his desk. “There was another one I wanted to show you.”

_Ryan please…_

“Sure thing, bud.” Shane forced a relaxed facade when all he wanted to do was crawl out of his skin. The demon slipped on the headphones once again to face any sins that slipped through his fingers.

The next video brought back the memory of heavy rage that had been years for Shane to feel. It was the botanical garden in Louisiana that was _actually_ haunted. The ghosts were tortured psych patients that were sent there for sunlight therapy after their brains had been practically melted by shock therapy. An unfortunate history, truly, but Shane lost all empathy the moment they tried to hurt Ryan. 

The computer screen showed the two of them in the solartarium when the glass above shattered into countless pieces. Shane remembered extending his wing automatically over his friend as to shield him from the shards. Of course the wings were not exposed on camera, however… the protection they provided did show the glass falling around the human rather than on him. 

Luckily the action was subtle, and easily disregardable. Shane knew with confidence he could squirm his way out of this one. His confidence wavered though, what with Ryan’s focused gaze fixed on the demon.

“Are you trying to bring up the truly scariest episode we’ve done?”

“We barely got any supernatural footage at this location.” Ryan regarded it with confusion.

_That you know of._

“It was scary, Ryan, because _real_ things like collapsing roofs happened that night. I had some pretty nasty cuts after the solartarium if you recall.” Shane placed a rare heavy seriousness tone on his words.

Shane took no pleasure in seeing Ryan’s cheeks burn with embarrassment and shame. It was his least favorite way of deflecting the human’s persistent questions. Shane knew he could take advantage of Ryan’s empathy when the humor path didn’t work out.

Their relationship was so _painfully_ delicate right now, but Shane didn’t have a choice but to do this. Keeping Ryan in the dark was the safest thing he could do for the human. What could Shane say, he was a creature of deceit after all. The demon liked to think it was for a good reason this time.

Ryan swallowed thickly and cast his gaze away from Shane’s direction. Shane cringed internally at the realization of what he needed to do. The demon promised himself that he’d never wipe Ryan’s memory again, which meant resorting to playing dirty.

“If that’s all Ryan, I have some videos I need to edit.” He leaned forward to unplug his headphones and wheel over to his desk before Ryan could react. 

The human’s aura was melancholic and shameful, oozing like molasses and sweet to the point of bitterness on Shane’s tongue. The demon did his best to focus on his work and ignore the other beside him. 

_It’s for your own good Bergara._

Ryan left work early that day.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, hard chapter to write. But I'm excited for the next one! Love the feedback and comments <3


	6. Part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's getting desperate. Maybe an old friend can him advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, when it rains it pours with my updating consistency lol

Ryan told HR that he needed a couple mental health days to which they obliged whole heartedly. Apparently his recent spacy behavior was more noticeable than he thought. It was an unpleasant feeling to be assured by the higher ups that he was validated when his best friend- maybe more?- convinced him everything was fine.

Thoughts of Shane aimlessly flew through Ryan’s head, each one a stark contrast to the one before. Ryan wished he could focus on the playful nudges, witty banter, and underlying fondness. He really did. Ryan lived for the moments where he got Shane to laugh so hard his eyes crinkled in content. Instigating fake arguments was just as fun, simply just pressing into a topic until he got Shane to crack. All of it is what made Shane his best friend, weird jokes and unnecessary history facts and all. It’s also what led Ryan to feel more. 

When he was lonely, Ryan knew he could rely on that lanky sasquatch to cheer him up and when he ever had reason to celebrate, Shane was there with a bottle of Kinky and an innuendo prepared. Ryan's heart fluttered when they bumped into each other on the nights of their investigations, a blush spreading a warming sensation against the chill. In the beginning, Ryan tried to sweep those whimsical thoughts under the rug. Shane was his best friend and  _ co-host _ . If Shane didn’t feel the same, what would that look like in their friendship? What would their show turn out to be? Ryan always thought himself to be someone to shoot their shot, but that bravado always came to a halt in regards to Shane. There was just too much to lose.

It’s because Ryan felt so strongly that he pressed into the doubts he’s been having about Shane. Ryan’s rising suspicions of things overcame his sanity. Everytime he looked at his co-host, flashbacks of horrifying images layered over his face. The sight would send his heart into overdrive until the moments passed. But it was his latest interaction with Shane that pushed Ryan into his decision. 

It’s alright though. Ryan was going to get this all settled and figured out. He just needed to make a call.

The drive to Saratoga was a long one, especially when he had to focus on keeping his hands from shaking on the wheel. Ryan was afraid of what his visit would entail. Would Ryan confirm that his suspicions were wrong and that he was crazy? Or would it be worse and find out he was right? 

With a forced smile he walked up the cathedral steps to the glorious wooden doors. A sense of calm washed over him, knowing the familiar sanctity of the grounds and the protection it provided. Once he entered

“Ryan, it is a pleasure to see you again.” the man greeted with a smile.

“Hello Father Thomas.”

“Please, do come in.” He motioned into the cathedral and led the way to his office. The priest’s presence provided a grounding sense that Ryan only felt when he was around Shane. It was refreshing to have someone else be able to clear his head.

“Thank you for seeing me under the short notice. I just… I didn’t know who to call.” Ryan had only met Father Thomas once for the episode that Unsolved filmed months ago, so he wanted to edge firmly on the respectful side.

“It’s no trouble.” they both settled in their chairs, the priest’s hands folded on the desk.

“Now tell me about these feelings you’ve been having recently. You seemed quite distressed over the phone.”

Yikes, if Ryan didn’t feel like he was insane earlier, he  _ definitely  _ did now.

“Well, I…” Ryan calmed his nerves with difficulty. “I’ve been having trouble remembering things. Which might not sound like a problem, but I’ve started to have these visions and dreams.” 

“You mentioned that some of these visions involve Shane?”

Ryan nodded, hesitant to disclose that  _ all  _ of them have been about Shane recently.

“Yes. At first I thought this was all just in my head but… he’s been acting so weird since an episode we did a couple months ago. And… I’ve caught some strange footage of him in a couple video clips.”

“And that was when these issues came about?”

“Yes. I just don’t know what to do. The things I see about him are black eyes, sharp teeth, claws, and…” Ryan didn’t realize his eyes had screwed shut until he felt tears slip down his cheeks.

“Peace, Ryan.” Father Thomas rose from the desk and calmed Ryan with a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I’ve said before, do not be afraid.” the smile could be heard with the reassuring words.

Ryan laughed and wiped his eyes. He watched the priest shuffle to one of the book shelves and pulled out a leather bound text with no title.

“You do not need to question yourself Ryan. I believe you.” The words filtered the anxiety in the air. “I’ve heard symptoms like your’s and I want you to know you’ve come to the right place.”

“Am I… has something attached itself to me? Is that what’s been giving me nightmares? And like, see things about Shane?” Ryan sat on the edge of his seat, using his hands to brainstorm his thoughts. It felt like he was in a content meeting back at Buzzfeed. Father Thomas shook his head.

“I have reason to believe that your friend may be afflicted with a demonic presence, not you.”

Ryan’s heart sank, relief in confirmation but dread in his intuition. Ryan was beginning to agree that possibility wasn’t so terribly out of consideration. Shane would have laughed off the notion, calling it superstition or crazy, but that’s exactly the reason he didn’t tell his co-host he went to visit Father Thomas.

“I had a speculation when you both visited, but I wasn’t sure.”

Ryan remembered Shane’s obvious discomfort in the church but regarded it as his friend just being his weird self. Pieces came together of the beanpole’s apprehension of the holy water in addition to a couple other scenarios. 

“Are you saying you want to do an exorcism on him?”

“No, I’m saying that you should.” the priest responded soundly.

“Oh my god-” Ryan slapped a hand over his mouth at the religious profanity “Sorry.” Father Thomas only smiled at Ryan’s embarrassment.

“I believe that my presence would only make things worse.” the priest began copying on spare paper a text from the book. “If you were to perform an act of rite, it would be taken by surprise and be more likely to succeed.” he handed the paper to Ryan. “Whereas if I did it, the entity could attach more to your friend.”

Ryan swallowed hard and looked down to the paper with latin words scribbled.

“It’s a halting prayer. It will keep the demon still until you are prepared for the next part.” Father Thomas explained the rest of the steps Ryan would need to take for the exorcism to work. When finished, the priest led Ryan to his car and left him with some parting words. 

“You are strong, Ryan. I have faith in you.”

Ryan’s resolve strengthened. Shane was his friend and someone he cared deeply about. If there was anything that Ryan could do to help him, he would. 

“Do not be afraid.” Ryan affirmed to himself in the silence of his vehicle. 

“Do not be afraid.” He put the car in drive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love comments suggestions of what you're interested in. I've got my own ideas for the next chapter, but I'm flexible. Let me know!


	7. Part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The confrontation.

Almost a week had gone by since Shane’s last encounter with Ryan. Anxiety and worry had made permanent presence in his gut, which proceeded to tick Shane the hell off. With the human gone and not doing his job investigating the supernatural, the demon should be elated that his methods worked. Instead, here Shane felt a pang of hurt whenever he drove past Chipotle. Unbelievable.

The dark of the woods surrounded the demon now. He was out of L.A far enough that he could see the moon and stars looking down on him in mockery. It was a reminder of what Shane really was; fallen. That’s what he needed right now. To come back to his roots and lose any type of unnecessary thoughts of the human. 

The taste of Ryan’s energy was only a perk of Shane’s job, but unnecessary to his existence. Shane had gotten by on terror long before he met Ryan, and he would do it again once the human was off his plate. The thick taste of honey from Ryan’s joy, entertainment, and laughter was only a mere distraction. Ryan’s persistence was annoying, _not_ endearing. Shane felt irritated and not satisfied knowing a simple touch from the demon is what eased Ryan’s fear. 

When it came to affection from the human… that was the worst. Shane claimed he only reciprocated it so that he could use and manipulate Ryan. That is something a _demon_ would do. Shane’s reaction was immediate, his deceit natural. Dark creatures like him were greedy while only seeking their own pleasure.

Shane dug his nails in the floofy relentless hair he’d been growing out just because Ryan mentioned he liked it long. A tree received a considerable dent from a forceful punch the demon dished out in frustration.

This was the only thing he couldn’t talk himself out of. Shane spiraled back to the night Ryan kissed him and the way he made the demon feel wanted. Shane wanted Ryan happy. He wanted the human to achieve that happiness through _him_ because that’s the way Shane felt in return. The fantasies that resulted from those stolen moments with Ryan’s hands on him were what kept Shane awake at night. 

The moon stared down and Shane looked up to return the gaze in spite. Ryan glowed just as brightly as the stars above and looked at Shane like an equal. The human brought out a side of Shane he wasn’t sure he ever felt before. These emotions were foreign early on but now became a natural second nature. Ryan made him feel… human.

Apparently guilt is a prominent sensation when a human’s done something wrong. Shane’s figured that out for sure.

He couldn’t keep lying to Ryan. The human was in clear distress with the memory loss and Shane felt an incessant need to come clean and assure Ryan that he wasn’t crazy. He wasn’t completely convinced that Ryan wouldn’t figure out Shane’s secret on his own. If their interaction over the video footage wasn’t any indication of that. Best case scenario is that Ryan gets bragging rights about the supernatural being real. Worst case… well, Shane didn’t want to think about that.

The demon left the dark of the woods with a clearer head despite his own rising fear of seeing Ryan again. Whenever he did, Shane was going to tell his friend the truth. Whatever the outcome was, it had to be better than living in this limbo. Ryan deserved peace of mind more than Shane deserved his lies.

After a few more days of work, he finally got a text from Ryan. Shane nearly spilled his coffee over his desk at the notification. He regained his composure with a half assed grin to assure his coworkers he was fine and not seriously prepared to explode in anticipation.

_Ryan: Hey_

_Shane: Hi_

_Wow, so eloquent. Truly a poet, Madej._

_Ryan: Do you want to come over tonight? I think we need to talk._

_Shane swallowed his nerves and responded._

_Shane: Sure. What time?_

_Ryan: Around 6?_

_Shane: I’ll be there._

He exhaled a shaky breath. Tonight it was. Shane was going to tell the truth and hope that it would turn out for the best. Maybe it would get Ryan’s memory glitches to stop since the human would have a concrete answer as to why he’s felt off. Shane had no idea where this hope was coming from. His strengths usually resided in pessimism and facts. For being a supernatural creature, Shane sure didn’t like to believe in things he hasn’t seen first hand.

The day passed painfully slow, but Shane did achieve to get the majority of his work done. He wasn’t going to think about if he’d need to redo it because of his obvious distractions. Finding parking in front of Ryan’s apartment was a bitch, but it did give him extra time to think about what he was going to say. The plans and lines he rehearsed went out the door the moment Ryan opened his.

“Howdy buckaroo.”

Ryan looked weary but smiled nonetheless, the gesture not quite reaching his eyes. It was a look that was defeated and finding a way to break some sort of dreadful news. 

“Is everything alright?” Shane was nervous to ask, but he wasn’t sure of what else he could say. Ryan opened his mouth to say something but paused. Uncharacteristically, the man simply shrugged and invited Shane in. Every hair stood on end, the demon found irony in the fact that he allowed a human to put him in this state. Only Ryan…

“I just had a lot on my mind is all.” 

Shane had his back turned to the human, but out of the corner of his eye he could see Ryan’s hand tremble as he closed the door. Shane said nothing as he moved to hand his coat on the hook. With a frown, Shane thought there was nothing Ryan had to say that could match what the demon was about to tell him. 

The tension in the room was palpable and threatened to crush Shane where he stood. With one look at Ryan, the sensation might not have been far off for the human as well. Ryan seemed to flinch under Shane’s attention and proceeded to put on a poorly designed smile to deflect whatever emotion Ryan was truly feeling.

“The living room?” Ryan gestured to the couch with two water bottles already set out on the coffee table. A faint shine on the human’s brow accompanied by tangy anxiety caught Shane off guard, but he waited to say anything.

“Sure.” Shane assumed his side of the couch like they’d done for numerous movie nights. Memories streamed through Shane’s eyes; of popcorn kernels stuck in his teeth, Ryan’s expressive features at any major plot point, and when they were a hair away from full on snuggling in order to fit on that garage sale couch. All of them splendid gems he kept close to his heart like treasures. A hazy gloom clouded the shine. After tonight, would they ever be able to go back to that?

The couch dipped, the human pulled Shane’s gaze away from the distance. Their eyes met, and Shane couldn’t take it anymore. Not when those brown eyes stared at him with trepidation. If Ryan wanted to forget everything about the night they kissed, he’d respect that. But Shane just for once needed to come _clean_.

“I have-”

“Sta-”

They spoke in unison, the room threatening to snap like a strained rubberband if they kept this up for too much longer. Shane couldn’t help giving a gentle laugh to try and dissuade whatever was happening between them.

“Sorry, you go first.” Shane smiled, but Ryan closed his eyes and whispered near silently something under his breath. If he weren’t a demon, Shane never would have caught it. Part of him wished he was wrong.

_Do not be afraid._

“What did you say?”

Ryan’s chocolate eyes were glossy when they opened, but the pure determination in them was the most striking.

“ _Stativa.”_

Like the latin word it was, everything truly… stopped. Every fiber in Shane’s physical and incorporeal form stilled in every sense of the word. The only thing allowed to meander was the sense of dread pulsing through his veins. Shit.

The human scrambled away, nearly falling to the floor on his ass before catching himself. To Shane’s shock and dismay, Ryan pulled a classic cylinder of a girl with a yellow umbrella and began pouring salt around the couch.

“Ryan…” Shane found the strength to call out, but the call fell on deaf ears as Ryan repeated over and over the mantra Father Thomas instructed. Shane remembered well enough the advice he gave the two of them on the investigation episode. Do not be afraid.

The human dropped the empty container to dry his shaking hands on his jeans. The breath was staggered enough to concern Shane that he would pass out. Shane struggled harder against the bonds the moment he saw Ryan pull out a paper scribbled with words that certainly meant nothing good from the demon’s perspective. 

“Wait-” He tried to dip and catch the human’s averted gaze, attempting anything to get Ryan to stop. The effort wasted when Ryan’s melodic voice that once held laughter now echoed a demon’s undoing.

Shane screamed in pain as stuttered latin words bled through the air and into his being. Red blurred his vision and dripped down his face, Shane’s lungs stripped of air as the pain of his wings threatened to break the skin of his back. The points of his own horns tried to pierce from his brow, the sensitive place causing agony like no other. The words Ryan spilled demanding to pull Shane’s demonic form through his human one. Unlike many other demons, Shane’s were intertwined. It felt like he was splitting in two.

“ _Ryan… please.”_ the demon used his last physical breath to convince Ryan to stop. The human was this close to seeing all of Shane and the thought was terrifying. 

All at once, the pain stopped. Shane felt pulled back in the room, the stinging and pressure gone without a trace. The sound of his own heavy breathing filled the air to mingle with a certain human’s anxious ramblings.

“I can’t, I can’t do it-” 

Shane finally had the chance to take in the emotional mess Ryan was in. Tears pressed through his closed eyes, his knuckles white on the wrinkled paper. The other hand gripped at the cropped dark hair on Ryan’s beautiful head.

As much as the demon’s heart was warmed at the lack of divine pressure in the air, he wasn’t sure when or if it would return. He kicked out his long, lanky leg to break the salt circle. The motion clearly grabbed Ryan’s attention as they both shared the knowledge of what was happening.

Knowing and _feeling_ Ryan’s will was no longer strong enough to hold Shane, he wiped the blood from his eyes as he stood from the couch. Shane could imagine what horrible sight it was, especially with the horrified reaction it instilled in the human.

“Stay back!” Ryan recoiled with Shane’s careful approach. “Stativa…” the word was dead without intention. “L-lu-” Shane plucked the paper from Ryan’s hand with little resistance and restrained from burning it on the spot. He didn’t want to absolutely traumatize the human.

_Well… it might be a bit too late for that._

“Ryan, you’re okay. Alright? Everything is okay.” Shane endeavored to be soft while forcing his fangs back into hiding. As much as he wanted, he held back from reaching out to hold the man before him. In any other circumstances, he would have by now.

“Don’t.” venom seethed through Ryan’s teeth. “Don’t you try to be him.”

It was terribly confusing to feel flattered at Ryan’s blatant protectiveness while also being distraught of not being trusted.

“It is me, though.” Shane’s nervous ticks came through at his own hatred of confrontation. “I promise, no one in this room is being possessed right now.” a wry, good-natured grin couldn’t help but tease. “Unless you have something to tell me Bergara.”

That’s when the figurative rubberband of bullshit snapped.

“Get out of my friend!” 

Shane was completely taken off guard when a wall of pure muscle tackled him to the floor with a hefty grunt. He found absolutely no reason for football players to actively seek out the brutal action. Normally, Shane would have voiced as much if it weren't for the wind completely knocked out of him. 

It really was a miracle they avoided hitting the coffee table. Ryan didn’t waste time as he pinned Shane with little struggle. Those frantic hands pulled out a familiar plastic pistol that snapped Shane from his stupor.

“Geezus Ryan, are you kidding me?” he hated that an annoyingly neon _child’s_ toy actually held a threat against him. With a complete flinch, he willed the pistol away and heard it clatter against the far wall. Shane peeked one eye open to see Ryan absolutely flabbergasted at the brief telekinesis. 

“Really, the holy water gun?” With the lack of divine threat, Shane couldn’t help the relief that allowed his humor to come back. Well, that was rewarded by a fresh and lively knuckle sandwich.

“Dammit! Ryan, ow!” Shane shielded his nose and was surprised to not feel any blood. Demon or not, getting punched was no bed of roses.

“You’re not Shane.” Hands gripped the front of the demon’s shirt. “Do you know how I know?” The anger still rang strong, but became watery near the end. “He wouldn’t _lie_ to me about something like this.” 

And that hurt worse than any hit Shane could take. The betrayal was painful to witness in the one person Shane cared about most and all his pain was forgotten the moment he saw Ryan’s distress.

Shane frowned and couldn’t help but raise a hand to cup Ryan’s cheek and beg to be looked at. Damn the consequences, Shane didn’t care. This hurt was natural, human. While all true emotions and directed at Shane, there was no determination Ryan could use to get rid of him. 

“Ryan I’m sorry. I was going to tell you.”

“Bullshit!” Ryan snapped out of the hold and shoved the hand away. The abruptness leveled through and Shane was getting pretty sick of the brunt force. 

With a frustrated growl, he pulled Ryan down while simultaneously manipulating momentum to trade their position. The demon narrowly dodged Ryan’s attempts to lash out, but wasn’t done making his point. 

“I was! You interrupted me baring my soul with that stunt you pulled.” alright, well now he felt like an absolute child. “Where did you even get that prayer?”

“Why does it matter?” Ryan barked back, relentlessly shoving enough to almost tip them both over. Shamefully, Shane did tap into some of his unnatural strength to keep his position. Ryan was being absolutely impossible to reason with. “Get off me!” he grunted, trying out a swing that Shane caught. In a motion right after, Shane pinned the human’s other wrist to the floor.

“Stop hitting me, and I will.” Shane went easy on Ryan’s wrist, reminding himself of how fragile humans could be. Even stubborn ones like Ryan.

Their breaths mingled in the heavy air, the adrenaline eventually draining from Ryan to relieve his brow of wrinkles. Shane felt the human’s muscles slowly unwind from every inch they were pressed together. All Ryan’s passion tasted like cinnamon. It made Shane want to choke. 

The tears had stopped for both of them. Along the line, Shane realized the heat had gotten to him, too. The whole ‘emotion’ thing was a difficult adjustment.

“It really is me Ryan.” Shane swallowed, nervous and not quite ready to let go. “I’m telling the truth.” he really thought he would shatter if Ryan so much as shoved him. The memory of Ryan pulling away from him in the kitchen stung in the forefront of Shane’s mind.

Ryan released a shaky breath, his eyes locking with Shane. They both were trying to find something, neither sure of what it was. Ryan was the one to pull his gaze away, his form melting into the floor.

“Unfortunately, I believe you.” Ryan just looked… tired. The air had changed from struggle and admonishment, to betrayal and acceptance. All of which hurt.

Shane uncurled his fingers, slowly easing his weight away from Ryan's small hands in comparison to his own. It was awkward to untangle themselves silently, trying not to lose balance and not touch each other more than necessary. They’d already done enough of that tonight. All of which not in the ways Shane would have wanted.

The demon tried not to take offense at the distance Ryan created. Shane was too defeated to stand the way Ryan did. To be honest, it probably helped Ryan feel like he had some semblance of power even if it were fundamentally not true. 

“You’re an ass, Shane.” there was no heat. The statement hung in the room like a scientific fact that Ryan had done extensive research on. The image of the human writing on a whiteboard came to mind and made Shane chuckle weakly.

“I know.” agreeance. Silence followed, the demon unable to look up from the floor. He felt like he wanted to curl up and sleep for days, but he just couldn’t bring himself to actually leave.

“So…” the wheels turning in Ryan’s mind were almost audible. “Did you really mess with my head?” 

Shane’s eyes widened, his body and mind not even ready to try and answer.

“Ryan, let’s maybe not talk about that for now.” He raised his gaze to level with Ryan, the human looking as weak as Shane felt.

“The truth, Shane.” chocolate eyes refused to waver away, the blatant gaze begging for an honesty he wasn’t ready for.

Oh hell.

“Yes.” Shane swallowed down more nerves. “I did.”

Ryan nodded as he held onto the wall. His skin paled exponentially before he swayed on his feet. 

Shane barely caught him in time before Ryan collided with the ground. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, love the feedback and comments! Let me know what you think!


	8. Part 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look pretty good for a dead b!tch xD

Lowlights cast shadows against the ceiling of the living room, warm but confusing nonetheless. Ryan didn’t remember being so acquainted with the perspective. In a moment he took in the exhaustion of every cell in his body resting against the hardwood floor except for under his head. He rolled his gaze from above and to his side where he saw a water bottle and granola bar set out like an offering. He released a subtle grunt as he rose from the pillow beneath him while his bones protested.

Ryan’s eyes still felt gummy as he tried to wipe away the stickiness and froze instantly as he recalled the events that landed him where he was. Slowly- _so slowly_ \- he traveled his attention across the floor to see a broken salt line circling giant feet covered in Hat Daga themed socks. Ryan’s shoulders sagged, fatigue keeping his heart from raising to its pace from earlier in the evening. He partially hoped that he had hit his head and dreamt up the evening and all its events. 

Luck truly did not take his side in the matter. Ryan’s eyes were dry when he followed the path of spider long legs and eventually met a concerned, squinty gaze from his co-host. Ryan winced internally at the memory of blood spilling down from those eyes once they’d turned completely black.

“Hey.” Shane’s - the _demon’s_ \- voice was low like he was tending to a spooked horse. It wasn’t unlike the times they were at haunted locations as he talked Ryan down from a particular supernatural spectacle. 

Ryan didn’t really want to think about it. 

“Why are you sitting there? It’s not like the salt can trap you.” Shane’s hands unclasped and seemed to nervously wipe along his jeans. Elbows raising away from his knees as though he was the one who wanted distance.

“I thought you would be more comfortable.”

Ryan looked to the neglected floor and then back to Shane with a question clearly positioned in his quirked eyebrow.

“Don’t be grumpy, I didn’t know what you would have wanted.” Shane gestured with shrugging shoulders. The innocent and familiar sight was a lot to take in while knowing his friend was literally a creature worthy of nightly terrors. Nightly terrors that Ryan _had_ been having.

“I think I have a little right to be grumpy.” Ryan was too tired to snap, but not enough to go down without a fight.

“Yeah, I suppose you do.” Shane bit his lip while reclining into the couch cushions. The sight was a strange attempt for Shane to make himself seem smaller but the effect only brought more attention to the man’s longer form. His posture was downtrodden with arms folded to keep the nervous fidgeting at bay. Ryan wondered how much of it was an act.

Ryan contemplated what he was going to say as he uncapped the water bottle and drank. He kind of wished it was something a bit more potent, but knew alcohol wasn’t going to make this night go away. He felt Shane watching him.

Ryan traced the ridges of the water bottle cap. The texture fought against the numbness of his adrenaline crash while reminding Ryan that this was all real. It was hard to look at Shane directly so Ryan settled on fixing his gaze to the floor in desperate need of sweeping. 

“How could you keep something like this from me?” his voice sounded breathier than he meant to, but it still felt like the room would swallow Ryan whole if he caught its attention.

Shane sighed and ran a hand through his own tousled hair. 

“How was I supposed to bring this up?” the reply was forcefully soft, but laced with familiar sarcasm. Ryan frowned.

“How about not lying about literally every supernatural site we’ve been to, hm?” Ryan dished it back causing a deflated sigh from the other. Ryan furthered his contemplation and a new resentment rose to the occasion. “Hang on, have you messed with the camera footage?” silence confirmed Ryan’s suspicion. “You _jerk_ , we promised not to falsify anything.” true frustration backed him up and encouraged him to look directly at Shane.

“Of all the shit on the table right now, _that_ is what you're fixating on?” Ryan’s glare must have been icy enough to stop Shane right there. “Sorry. I’m sure you have a lot of questions.”

“An understatement.” Ryan sorely rose from the floor and moved to one of the chairs. “Have you been a... demon this whole time?”

“I’ve never been a human, Ryan.” The statement was matter of fact which sent a shiver through Ryan’s spine. What the hell was his life if this was a conversation they were having?

“This-” Ryan motioned his direction. “-body. You’re not… possessing someone?”

“Nope. This is all mine, baby.” he smirked with humor. “Made it myself.”

Ryan weakly snorted at the way it sounded like Shane was presenting a science project. The doofus persona made Ryan feel like cracking up even if it was at the most inopportune time. The humor took him off guard.

“And you settled on a wiry giant with a big noggin?” Ryan couldn’t help but poke, the lack of his self preservation skills evident. 

“Oh I’m sorry. My bad for not being able to fit my essence into a dainty size 5’5.” Shane offered flatly, his tone hard to detect if he was joking or serious. A bit that Ryan was familiar with.

“I’m five _ten,_ you jackass.” Ryan growled back but unable to hold back a smile. Shane responded in kind and threatened to melt Ryan’s heart. The skeptic’s weird sense of humor and awkward beanpole presence is what made him so endearing and comfortable. 

The thought snapped Ryan out of the distraction. There was no space for anything other than grasping what Shane was. Practically everything they’ve been through together was based on a lie. Shane’s whole _persona_ was being a nonbeliever in the supernatural.

All of the fear driven sleepless nights that led to Ryan’s desperation for intervention came to the front of his mind. Nightmares of blood dripped talons, obsidian eyes, and tangible shadows haunted his dreams until he opted not to sleep at all. The visions invaded his waking hours most recently with no reasoning for when they happened. It tainted Ryan’s fond memories with his best friend.

“You said you lied to protect me.” the air changed once more. “Did you take away my memories to protect me, too?” Ryan challenged.

“I did what I thought would help.”

Anger bubbled under his skin. “You let me think I was going _insane_ , Shane.” Ryan seethed with the confirmation. He let out a frantic breath. “I’ve been having nightmares a-and these twisted visions when I’m awake. But they’re not nightmares, are they?”

Shane looked guilty and Ryan felt sick.

“What do you… remember?” Shane seemed like he was fishing for information, carefully gauging how much he should share.

Ryan felt so pushed and upset. Ryan wanted everything Shane had been hiding from him while simultaneously thinking he knew too much already. 

“I don’t know, I…” a twist of bitterness coiled in his chest. “What’s the point of all this? You can just erase this whole conversation.”

“I won’t do that.” Shane shook his head and stared at Ryan like he might pass out again.

“Why?” Ryan had no idea how his eyes could sting even after all the tears he let go. 

“Because I’m done lying to you.” Shane sounded desperate “I care about you.”

Ryan felt like he was cracking from the inside out. The weight of everything becoming the focus of his mind. Shane was his best friend and the person he arguably spent the most time with. They were attached at the hip and Ryan thought he knew all his secrets just as Shane knew his. That fact that the concept was more than untrue felt like the floor was going out from underneath him. 

He wanted to put this whole thing behind them. They could go back to movie nights and Shane could point out what was true and untrue about any of the supernatural horror shows they watched. Ryan now could wave the proof of paranormal right in Shane’s face. Well… for whatever it was worth. They could… they could pick up where they left off on their changing dynamic. Their most recent interactions proved to be more than just friendship and a shallow drunk makeout. 

He frowned with the fragments of hallucinations coming to mind, now apparently his memories. Shane knowingly manipulated him into forgetting whatever he thought to be too dangerous to remember leaving Ryan completely out of any choice. It sent shivers through him to recall the strength Shane had to keep him pinned. Horns… wings… _teeth_. Ryan scraped his hands across his face, begging them not to shake.

“I don’t know how to feel about you right now.” He did though. Betrayal, anger, heartbreak. All of it was just too much to process in the moment. “I need to be alone right now.” Ryan looked away to avoid whatever reaction Shane had. Fear still prickled the back of his mind, but if Shane was telling the truth he wouldn’t hurt him. 

“I get it. ” Shane’s tone was low, a soothing approach like he had used at their haunt investigations. Ryan wished he could say he didn’t flinch when he heard the rustling of the couch being vacated. “I… I’m going to go.” 

Ryan listened to the retreating footsteps and momentarily wondered if Shane was going to…dematerialize or something. The click of the apartment door answered the stupid question, but how was Ryan supposed to know what to expect he thought tiredly.

“I’m sorry Ryan. Call me if you need m-” he paused. “Call me if you need anything”

Ryan heard the door close.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all your comments, it truly helps give me motivation to keep going! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, gotta fit in that sadboi angst.


	9. Part 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avoiding the problem never makes it go away.

In a way that even a supernatural creature was surprised, Ryan had found a way to spectacularly ignore Shane. That of course did not count the first few days that Shane chose to work from home. The only thing that forced him to leave the apartment was a staff meeting that was unavoidable. Shane recalled the way he pocketed his hands to hide the nervous sweat his human form decided to exude at the thought of being in the same room as Ryan. The more mundane gestures seemed to be more prominent than usual, but Shane was a bit preoccupied with far more important thoughts to take heed.

Shane had placed himself as far from the door as possible and fixed his gaze to a notepad while the other Unsolved team members shuffled in. He  _ felt _ Ryan’s essence before he saw the human. Nervous energy pulsed in uneven waves with melancholic frustration mixing in to create a toxic cocktail. The flavors blended poorly, but Ryan was always one to feel deeply and strongly. Just... all at once.

The demon went through the meeting fighting the urge to look into those deep chocolate eyes and close the distance of the room to get to Ryan. For Shane, it would only have been three agonizing strides, but even that small amount felt oceans away. 

The meeting passed in what felt like forever yet not nearly as long as Shane would have liked. At least two of the crew members brought up the way the co-hosts were acting to which Ryan did most of the talking. The demon felt the human’s eyes on him, but instead of giving in he leaned into his carefully constructed persona of eccentricity. He shrugged more, avoided eye contact, and made passing comments to which some chuckled at. 

Everyone in the room had to notice Ryan didn’t laugh at a single one. Or even worse, that he didn’t jab back at Shane with the fact that the puns were truly terrible. The air had turned far too dry by the end, and Shane felt pinned with scrutiny that was most likely paranoia. 

As if the rumors weren’t already flying, they were  _ soaring _ after that dreadful interaction. The next couple days required Shane’s presence in the office and he picked up on the whispered chatter that was kept in the coffee watering hole and break rooms. Hell, even the Unsolved set wasn’t safe ground.

_ They started dating and they just had their first fight. _

_ They’ve been secretly dating this whole time and just broke up. _

Shane refused to admit that he wasn’t a little flattered that people’s knee jerk reaction was if there was anything romantic between them. It had taken Shane plenty of time to notice it himself, let alone accept how he personally felt about Ryan. But the idea that people saw their compatibility was simply… comforting.

The rumors progressed even worse.

_ Shane doesn’t want to do the show. _

_ Unsolved going to be cut. _

_ HQ said what about Ryan?  _

Shane bristled at the last one, zeroing in with his enhanced hearing to finish the thought of whoever was speaking in the other room. Ryan apparently had been more irritable at work and unable to come in at consistent times. He had slipped up with editing more than once with flaws that are easily preventable. The human who was so detailed with script writing and alterations had barely been able to keep up with content and instead turned everything in late. 

The demon recalled the human’s vibrant energy and the way it felt like a battery ready dip out. Apparently, Shane’s grip tightened to the point of breaking the mug. Dark coffee spilled on his shirt and to the floor like a bean water masacre. He screwed his eyes shut and forced away any thoughts of the glass popcorn bowl incident. 

Shane went home to change his shirt and didn’t come back to the office. 

The afternoon glazed by as Shane putzed around with various projects or just anything to fill the void and steer clear from his own thoughts. There’s no way Ryan would let Unsolved be dropped. Shane would come to terms with potentially leaving Buzzfeed if that’s what Ryan wanted. The demon’s fingers hovered over the keyboard when he came to a halt at the presence of someone approaching his door. 

It was strange to not have felt it sooner. Shane rolled his eyes, mentally berating his quickly slipping focus. The harsh knock at the wood was abrasive and rude if such a thing were possible.

“Shane.” His name struggled through the door with one last press of a fist against the wood. The demon knew this had to happen sooner or later. He didn’t want to be the one to pursue the human at his apartment in fear of causing more damage. 

Shane’s essence settled uncomfortably beneath his skin, recalling the last time he was alone with the human who tried to tear the demon in two. He eased the door open carefully, slowly treating himself like a jump scare that could shoo off the antsy human. Shane tried to come up with some pun or anything to lighten the mood when he stopped dead in his tracks as he took in the sight of Ryan. The bags under the human’s eyes were so dark they looked like bruises from a bar fight. Shane’s throat went dry as he saw summer tan skin a shade paler than normal. The other seemed like he was just a thinned shell rather than a well toned young guy with a deep and passionate love of life.

“You look like shit.” the words slipped out before Shane had a second to process. The human looked like he wanted to glare, but the bite couldn’t quite reach high enough. This time Shane did have enough strength to refrain from saying exactly that and following up with a height joke.

_ Not the time Madej. _

Ryan slipped past the entryway and Shane couldn’t help but follow him into the living room while still giving the other plenty of space. It wasn’t like Ryan had never been in there, but it did certainly feel misplaced. The underlying fear didn’t help either.

“Maybe you would have noticed that sooner if you weren’t avoiding me.” Ryan turned, looking aged by exhaustion and irritation.

“Me? Avoiding  _ you _ ?” his tone was perhaps a bit indignant, but Shane was only reflecting the air of the room. “I’m not the one who-”

“Fuck, whatever. It doesn’t matter.” Ryan cut him off but sizzled into a big sigh. Shane regretted snapping instantly. The human rubbed his eyes slow but harsh and it made him wince at the sight. “Just… I’m not handling this very well.”

At least he was the one to say it. Shane held his tongue and waited for Ryan to continue, still not completely convinced the other wouldn’t dart out of his apartment.

“But I’m willing to look past it if you would just stop what you’re doing to me. I really need to sleep and-”

It was most certainly Shane’s turn to stop the other right there.

“Ryan, what are you talking about? I’m not doing anything to you.” he held back from reaching out with his essence to touch and see what was wrong or what Ryan could possibly be talking about. Ryan’s brow furrowed as he regarded Shane’s words. His head tilted like a puppy trying to understand a new concept. It would have been cute if it weren’t for the circumstances.

“But I’m still seeing-” he made vague gestures with nervous arms. A sleep deprived Bergara was rarely ever a coherent one, and Shane knew that from experience. Even with the two of them on completely different wavelengths, Shane did manage to pick up on what Ryan was trying to say.

“Visions?”

“Glimpses.” Ryan corrected, but then thought better. “Actually, I don’t know. Everything will be fine, but then I feel like this weird deja vu at the most random times. It feels like I’ve done something already, but then I can’t think of the specific time I did it. I see…” Ryan pauses, the two of them for once fully meeting the other’s eyes. 

“Me?” Shane swallowed down the lump in his throat. He was sick at the thought of what was going on in the guy’s head. He had never meant to hurt Ryan, but Shane had no idea what the human’s head was coming up with or what sort of instincts were trying to take over.

“Not all of it is you. There are like, hallways and doors. I recognize some stuff from our footage, but it’s all just so inconsistent.”

“I haven’t done anything except-” The statement hung in the air as Shane worked through the thought. “-lock some of your memories.” Shane nervously scratched the back of his neck. Ryan was almost glaring at him, a tired frown looked unwelcoming on his normally jubilant face. “But you know that now, Ryan. You know what I am.”

“Are you saying my subconscious is trying to dig the memories back up?”

“Whatever you’re experiencing right now should stop if you would just let it go-”

“When have I ever been able to let something go?” Ryan’s shoulders heaved with his increased breathing. He started an inconsolable pace in the small apartment living room. Shane wished he could just gather the human in his arms until all the wound up tension released. He stopped in place and spoke with utter determination that sent shivers down Shane’s spine. “Give me my memories back.” 

“What?” Shane froze as his brain short circuited. That was a  _ horrible _ idea. He shook his head. “No.”

“What do you mean ‘no’?” Ryan yelled and Shane contemplated laying a veil of silence around the room out of respect for his neighbors. A noise complaint would be low on the priorities tonight.

“It’s a bad idea.” he tried to explain. “I took them for a reason, and that was to keep your little human mind from melting at the sight of the paranormal. You’re barely handling this conversation.”

“I’m barely handling this because I’m exhausted,  _ Shane _ .” Ryan mocked in an imitation of nothing like how Shane actually sounded.” And fine, I might not know everything, but I have a feeling this problem won’t go away by itself.”

The logic was presented on a silver platter. The scales all tipping in the human’s favor at both of their knowledge of Ryan’s incessant nature. Once Ryan got a hold of something, he never let go until he found the answer. That was what made him such an incredible researcher and creator. He just never stopped. Shane was beginning to see that this was no different. 

“You’re right.” Shane deflated, and rubbed his eyes. What was he thinking, when had he ever been able to tell Ryan Bergara no? “Okay.”

“Is that it?” Ryan looked surprised. “You’re not gonna um…”

“I’m not going to what?” confusion rose in the demon as he tried to sort out the answer himself.

“Make a deal or something?”

A pang of desire pulsed in Shane’s core, but he immediately shoved it away to be forgotten. Shane was far too old and weary to be driven by mere instincts. “Unless this is a shitty, early 2000s NBC show and I'm hearing about it for the first time, no.” Ryan barked an unexpected laugh. It was strained and unsteady, but a laugh nonetheless. Shane smiled at the sound, but then melted into sincerity. “I know you’re scared right now and I don’t expect you to believe me, but you are my friend. I don’t want you to struggle like this.”

The smile had faded away, but at least the frown didn’t return. “You’re not what I thought demons were supposed to be like.” The statement sounded like Ryan didn’t mean to say it out loud so Shane politely didn’t address it.

“Have a seat on the couch, I think this will work better if we’re not standing.”

“Why?”

“Because then I won’t have to catch you again if you swoon.”

“Shut up Shane.” he mumbled softly, but took a seat regardless. Shane followed suit. Ryan understandably remained stiff, but unmoving. 

Shane was imagining where to begin as he reached out for Ryan’s head before his hand was abruptly shot from the air by the human’s flinching.

“Sorry, reflex. Uh…” Ryan looked panicked again, both of them somewhat stunned. “Do you have to?” The previous banter seemed lost in an instant, a scared and panicked Ryan coming back to the surface. 

“I…” Shane had never been in a situation with a human where he had to explain how his influence worked, so he tried his best. “I need to build a connection somehow.” The demon forced away his own nerves, relaxing in a way that hopefully made it seem like he was as harmless as he pretended to be. Shane turned his palms face up in offering, waiting for Ryan to come to him. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want.”

Ryan hesitantly reached out, his hands dwarfed in Shane’s own. The human’s skin was cool to the touch and his fingers twitched like he wanted to run. Shane pretended like he didn’t notice and endeavored to play up his easy going attitude to try and sway Ryan away from his nervous antics. 

“Close your eyes and just relax.” the human fidgeted as he tried to settle with an uncomfortable laugh. Shane slightly tightened his hold and closed his own eyes.

“Sounds like the beginning of a doctor’s office por-” 

His darkness felt the light of Ryan’s soul and reached out to touch and ease like he had before. Part of Shane was ashamed to be familiar with it, but there was a satisfaction to feel the glow against his face like a spring sun. It was like floating weightless in the sky.The shock must have been too quick for Ryan, because Shane felt like Icarus in a fraction of a moment. 

The plummet was intense and painful enough for Shane to let go of the human’s hands like a force had pushed him away. He vaguely registered a surprised grunt from Ryan, but couldn’t dwell on it through the ringing in his own ears.

Shane covered his eyes, knowing they’d gone pitch through the experience. After a couple grounding breaths, he conceded. 

_ Yeah, Shane probably deserved that. _

“Ryan, you um-” he rubbed his temples, avoiding looking at the other. “Have to let me in.”

“Oh.” Ryan sounded strained himself, the sound of his own recovering breath filling the air. “Okay.” The hesitancy felt so strange when Shane was used to the two of them being able to practically read each other’s minds.

So they tried again.

And again.

Again.

They tried to the point that Shane had a thin sheen of sweat gathering at his brow from the exertion and Ryan groaned from the pressure behind his eyes. Both men dealt with throbbing headaches and rising frustration with themselves and the other. 

“Let’s just call it for tonight. We can try again when you-”

“No, I need those memories.” Ryan was angry, his arms crossed and tense. “I don’t want to lose my job.”

“You’re not going to lose-”

“I might! I’ve been a shit worker and none of my edits can be used. I’m grumpy, sleep deprived, distracted…” his words trailed off as he counted the reasons on his fingers. “Did you know I got ‘talked’ to today?”

“Ryan-” Shane started.

“Can’t you just go in?” Ryan made vague gestures near his head and Shane hated him for it. The human must have seen the distaste and looked spiteful in return. “Well it’s not like that stopped you before.”

“ _ Don’t. _ ” Shane’s voice was dark and low, and he knew it. He was the most angry he’s been in a long time, but what made it worse was beneath the anger Shane just regretted everything he’d done to Ryan’s memories. 

The two men glared in separate directions, the air heavy and threatening in the wake of the unspoken argument. Both of them hoped the other would storm off the couch in a huff, but neither of them did. 

Shane had never been an infant in the ways humans had, but he certainly felt like a petulant child in the moment. He watched the rain drizzle out the window, car lights refracted jaggedly through the droplets. Shane endeavored to imagine his personal feelings to go along the pavement and to the drain like the rain. He grimaced lightly at the sight. 

The last time Los Angeles felt the kiss of rain was the morning he woke up in Ryan’s apartment. Shane’s hand was still warm when he opened his eyes and the indent in the bed beside him was as well. Shane’s heart longed as he dared a glance at Ryan. The night had been so mundane, Ryan’s heartbeat steady with his worries smoothed away from his face. Back when there were things left unsaid.

Back when Ryan trusted Shane to be near.

An idea trailed through the demon’s mind, one that could end terribly but what could be worse than what was happening? Shane sighed, removing his gaze from the window to Ryan. 

“Ryan.” the other flinched back, seeming to notice the seriousness in Shane’s tone. “Just… tell me to stop and I will.”

“Wha-”

With that, Shane closed their distance and gently brought their lips together answering Ryan’s question before the human could ask it. Ryan initially flinched at the contact but didn’t pull away or push Shane’s hand from the back of his neck. The physicality felt so natural so quietly desperate but sadly necessary.

Shane felt the rigid walls of Ryan’s mind melt away with their lingering touch. Shane brought his other hand up to cradle the human’s cheek in comfort against the chill of essence. The demon’s suspicions were correct as he easily slipped into the human’s mind.

The strings of memories were just as knotted as Shane made them, the only difference being how tightly they had been strung. He traced among them as he sought out a particular memory to release. It was the most tame one he could think of to ease Ryan into the process of what it will be like.

Shane found the small tie after some looking and touched it ever so gingerly. He recalled Ryan seeing the transparent figure of a kindly old woman so clearly visible with no room to question if it had been real. The human had been petrified to the spot, unmoving and fear stricken even though the ghost was nothing but a caretaker spirit. One of the sweetest ones Shane had ever encountered yet the shock had been too much at the time.

With the string completely untied it returned to a more natural, looser hold. The appearance matching the physical form still held in Shane’s hands. The demon held Ryan’s shoulders that were immensely less tense and his face looking the most relaxed he’s been in weeks. Shane wished he could say he didn’t sneak a look at Ryan’s pink parted lips. 

Soft breaths filled the air as Shane scrutinized the human’s face to see any drawbacks of the memory being released. Seeing none, Shane dared to speak.

“Hey bud, can you hear me?” in a silent response, Ryan nodded his head while grasping Shane’s wrist as though to steady himself.

“How do you feel?”

“Better.” those beautiful brown eyes didn’t open, but words were still progress.

That is, until Ryan slumped forward to rest his head on Shane’s shoulder.

“Woah, hey there.” Shane’s hands went to the human’s waist instinctively to keep him upright. “Are you still awake?”

“No.” the response was muffled into his shirt, but brought a genuine smile on the demon’s face.

“Okay pal.” Shane patted his back concedingly, pretending just for a moment that everything was back to normal. Before Shane brought in all his demon baggage into their relationship.

“Take it easy. We’ll talk in the morning.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter, but had a lot to cover. Thank you all so much for the comments, I appreciate the feedback to keep writing! Happy holidays, I hope everyone is doing well!


	10. A Holiday Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew glitter could cause feeling realizations?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place in the past before all of this fic's shenanigans. Merry Belated Holidays!

Ryan looked ridiculous. 

And Shane told him just as much. 

“Come on, you know you’re just jealous.” 

“Of getting dressed up like an absolute clown? I think I’m good.”

“I’m an  _ elf, _ you Scrooge.”

That he was. Ryan was dressed to the nines in Christmas gear all the way to pointed ears for a holiday video some coworkers were filming. A striped hat and stockings paired with the ugliest sweater Shane had ever seen was adorned with bells. 

“Is that glitter on your cheeks?” Shane’s smirk grew as he scrutinized Ryan’s look further. Shane really didn’t care, he just knew it would get under Ryan’s skin to point it out. Shane saw his co-host squirm under the gaze while a faint blush dusted beneath it. This guy. 

_ Okay, maybe the holiday get up was worth it. _

“No. It’s just tinsel that fell on me, you trash bag.” Ryan crossed his arms defensively while trying to hide a growing smile. Shane leaned in and swiped his thumb under Ryan’s cheekbone because fuck boundaries and Ryan’s sqeal was worth the nonexistent consequences. 

“Dude! I don’t want the girls to put more on me just because you messed it up.” Ryan groaned. Shane rubbed the substance between his thumb and finger and yeah, 100% glitter. 

“Oh Ryan.” Shane chuckled, shaking his head. “Come here, I’ll fix it.” he reached out and gave the scratchy sweater a tug but Ryan didn’t give in so easy.

“No, you’re gonna make it weird.” Ryan whined, but his laughter was contagious.

“Do you want my help or do you want extra glitter to follow you around for a week?” Shane reasoned through his own laughs. Ryan groaned one last time before stepping closer. 

With little thought behind it, he tilted Ryan’s head back and began putting excess glitter back on the shorter man’s cheek. Ryan’s eyes were closed with eyebrows raised like Shane was going to put eyeliner on him. 

“You are such a big baby.” 

“Shut up Shane. I don’t want it to get in my eyes.”

“Yeah, yeah.” he chuckled, smudging the glitter a bit more. Once satisfied, he stopped his ministrations, but came to realize warm hands were resting on his waist. The touch was subtle, barely there even. And Shane realized he hadn’t let go of Ryan’s face yet. 

When did… was this a moment?

Ryan’s lashes fluttered open, bringing Shane to fully realize how intense and breathtaking they actually were up close. The demon’s throat went dry as the air shifted. They didn’t lean in closer but rather realized how close they already were. Ryan’s gaze flitted from his eyes and lower to where his lips would be. Wait, what?

“Ryan, there you are!” a jubilant voice may well have been a siren wail with the way it made the two hosts jump. It felt like a bandaid had been ripped away to leave a raw ache in its place. “ We’re ready for you on se-” She froze for a second before a primal grin stretched on her face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your make out sesh.”

Shane’s eyebrows raised in surprise while Ryan jolted a foot away. 

“No, I just… there was-” Ryan stuttered almost painfully which normally the demon would laugh at because the energy of embarrassment tickled when misplaced. “Something in my eye.” Ryan settled on.

“Uh huh, sure.” She was smug like she knew a secret Shane didn’t. Ryan started to follow her out the room. 

“I’m not kidding. There really was.” Ryan was lying through his teeth while Shane was still recovering from what happened moments ago. The demon didn’t like confrontation or addressing his own feelings.

“Ryan’s right, he smudged his glitter.” he dished, feeling satisfied with the glare shot at him.

“You son of a-”

“Ryan, you have got to be kidding me! We’ll get you back to makeup before the shoot.” She snatched his arm, practically dragging him with a time limit. Ryan flicked him off.

Shane returned the gesture and was then left alone to overanalyze what had happened. Did he and Ryan almost… was that supposed to be a prelude to a kiss? It didn’t make any sense.

Ryan, the king of bro culture, was staring at Shane’s lips while not shying away from a touch to balance himself. Shane was in a bit too much of a shock to truly process the implications of what the moment could have meant. Shane groaned and visibly shook his head as if to brush away the thoughts before making his way to the Christmas set.

His eternal damn soul was too fucking old for this.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll like a little fluff intermission!


End file.
